Passion

Chapter 23

Amanda waited on Monday her stomach rolling her head aching and her eyes burning. And true to his word Brian didn't come. She felt awful, even though she hadn't wanted to marry him. The idea was crazy.

So why had her heart threatened to burst when he had purposed.? And when he left after such a touching speech she felt like she was coming apart/

Oh, god she hurt.

Bobby entered, dressed in a old college sweat shirt and gym shorts that showed his hairy legs. He spared her a glance then picked up the ball and began bouncing it. Amanda approached him,

"Hello Bobby."

He turned his head. "Amanda."

"I appreciate you filling in like this. On such a short notice I mean."

He looked at her. "Brian needed me. I love him he is my brother."

"I...I know." She hesitated, swallowing hard, Bobby's mood was apparently not conducive to small talk. But she needed to know. " How is Brian?"

Very casually still bouncing the ball Bobby said. " Miserable. Thanks for asking."

Amanda flinched at his tone. "Bobby I never meant to.."

"Of course you didn't. All men in your books are assholes, right? Brian certainly couldn't be any different."

She shook her head, then started to walk away. Bobby held the ball. "Amanda? I am sorry. Its not my place to.."

She didn't look at him. " Its OK, Bobby I understand."

"No I don't think you do. Buts my opinion you never will, so I am glad you broke things off with Brian now before he got even more involved. I am the only person that he has to care for him. His life hasnt exactly encouraged him to trust women. So when he does marry I damned well want it to be to a woman who is capable of loving him. He deserves that much."

She was crushed by his hard words, but acknowledged the truth in them. Brian did deserve the best. If only...

Oh, god. She really had done it this time. No matter how deep she buried her past it always come back and torment her.

Or she was only tormenting herself.

********

After two weeks had past Amanda knew it was time to face the facts. She loved Brian and always would. She missed him terribly, and with each day that went by the feeling grew worse. When she was with him she felt alive. Without him she felt dull and drained.

She needed him, and even though she had sworn never to need anyone again, she felt comported by the admission. She no longer had to deny herself or her emotions. It wasn't a bad thing to need Brian. He wouldn't take advantage of her feelings wouldn't try and dominate her or weaken her to suit his own needs. She believed that. She trusted him.

But she had hurt him badly, and he might not forgive her.

Amanda knew she was too much of a coward to call Brian outright. She needed a reason to call him, and when more donations and scholarship funds came in various businesses she decided that excuse would work well enough. She'd start out by thanking him, and work into telling him she loved him madly.

It was a bold plan, she thought, and would have worked, except Brian didn't answer the phone. She got a message saying he was out of the office for some time and all calls could be forwarded to Bobby. When she tried him at home his answer machine picked up. Concerned she called Britney.

What she discovered wasn't encouraging.

Brian planned on taking a extended vacation to Chicago where he was considering joining a new firm. Bobby of course was livid and blaming Amanda. Britney was apologetic, but very upset by it all.