Darkest Fears

Chapter Two

Chapter Two:

I stood in front of my school. My hands were shaking nervously, but I hid that by stuffing them in my jacket pockets.

This morning I had paced endlessly back and forth in my bedroom, willing all my stress float away with every step I took. Running was one of the few things that calmed me down. And when I couldn’t do that pacing helped.

I just needed to move.

I needed to move. I needed just to so I would feel less trapped. I needed it to prove to myself things were different now. To stop me feeling like the little girl I used to be. The girl who was too afraid to move an inch in her bed at night.

But the feeling never goes away. It's like being stuck in a loop.

I stared up at the tall building in front of me. The front door had been left a jar open. Someone had dropped a pen and the door had caught on it. I could see a slither of the bright orange coloured walls inside.

It was almost like it was daring me to enter.

Fear filtered through me just at the thought of going inside. School felt like a trap box. I couldn’t leave when I wanted to. I was stuck in the overcrowded classrooms. With so many other people.

Too many other people.

I hated feeling that trapped, that crowded.

But school was an escape from home at least. It wasn’t as bad as being stuck in a closet. Begging for him to open the door because he had locked me inside. Being at school mean being safe because he couldn’t find me there. He couldn’t hurt me there.

But the stares could.

My mind flashed to the image of Jayden’s disgusted face, when he had seen me in the alleyway. Those were the looks I got every day. The looks people gave me that said to stay away from them.

But that was a good thing. It meant that they didn’t know how weak and useless I was.

So why didn’t they fell like it? Why did the judgement in their eyes make me want to run?

I wanted to run away from school, because of the looks people gave me. Could I be any weaker? I had no backbone.

I bit back a sigh, realising that I was had just standing there staring at the front door for about five minutes.

I was tempted to just ditch. My dad would probably never even know. It wouldn't be the first time. Even if school called home, he couldn’t even be found half of the time. It was like for two thirds of the week he would just drop off of the face of the planet.

But if I ditched where would I even go?

I had no one to see. No place to be. I didn’t belong anywhere.

Except Blue Diamond.

That was pathetic on it's own. That was just my job. That was just to pay for every day expenses. It was   pathetic that the only place I could be comfortable, was a place where I was hired to be. I had nowhere else.

I had no one.

 Even my family had more sense than to want to be around me.

I thought of Lola, Pam, Jake, and Marcy. My work colleagues. That was the only reason they were even around me in the first place.

Everyone else was smart enough to keep their distance.

Brushing my hair out of my eyes I let out a long breath. I had already made my decision. I shifted my bag’s weight on my shoulder. It was lighter than it should be. I wasn’t a model student. I didn’t carry around everything I was supposed to.