Darkest Fears

Chapter Thirteen

Dedicated to hiyathisiscool because they're ever patient with me :) x

sorry it's late guys, only just got to my actually computer! 

Chapter Thirteen:

My fingers shook as I clutched my bag closely to me. They were in here. All of them. I had dragged them out from under my bed the previous night. I had been tempted to flick through them. To read them before I handed them to Jayden, just to prepare myself.

But I knew that that would change my mind. If I read the letters again, I would feel too self-conscious about letting Jayden read them.

This is it. I realised, my breath hitching in fear.

I was really going to do this today. I was really going to give them to him. Let him read them.

Part of me was terrified. I was so scared that it would change his view on me. Even in such a short time I knew there was no denying that I had become selfishly addicted to him.

If I hadn’t I would be able to let him go. But part of me hated that idea. And that part was big enough that I was really going to do this.

I liked the way he looked at me differently than anyone else did. I liked the way he would give me genuine smiles. I liked that he spoke to me, and called us friends. Even if I had argued with him over it.

I didn’t want it to change.

I could feel eyes all over me as I ventured down the corridor. Could they tell that I was freaking out right now?

Or maybe I was over-reacting. Maybe no one was even looking my way. But it felt like they were. It felt like I was drowning under their judging stares.

It felt bad enough that I wanted to double back on myself. It wasn’t too late to turn away now. To change my mind.

Except it was. It was too late as soon as I had started to accept Jayden’s friendship. As soon as I began relying on it. It was too late, and it took me too long to realise that.

I clenched my hands into fists, nervously, begging my heart to stop beating so fast.

I walked down the corridor, hoping that I wasn’t literally shaking from fear, or at very least no one could see it if I was.

I locked my eyes firmly on my target as I rounded the corner, my determination barely with me anymore. But seeing Jayden helped. Seeing him with his friends didn’t.

Was I meant to approach him now? Would I be intruding if I did? Then again, what was I supposed to care? I was the school bitch, I wasn’t meant to worry about intruding in on others.

Clenching my jaw I concentrated my eyes on Jayden again. He wasn’t looking in my direction; instead he was facing Dylan Keen, a small smile tilting up the corners of his lips as he spoke.

Maybe. Maybe if these letters really did fix everything between us he would smile at me like that again.

With new drive to my determination I approached the small group, my head held high.

It didn’t help when none of them looked up as I approached, it would have been easier if they had. Instead now I had to catch their attention. Straightening my posture to ready myself I cleared my throat before calling out his name.

“Jayden.” It didn’t sound like my voice. It sounded stronger than I felt, so much more confident. That encouraged me to continue, even when all their heads snapped up.