The replies to your letters

Only this much to tell

I don't know why but suddenly my heart has become sour by reading your letter. It reminds me of my dark days, I don't know how but still.

Right now I feel a bit weird in my chest, like the feeling of having no ribs. (Is that even a feeling).
I don't even know what to write today. Cause I'm feeling so sad after reading your letter. You remember I told you I don't care even if I don't remember things, and also how it eats me up sometimes when others remember those happy days and I don't. Yeah, its that kind of a feeling much worse cause I don't even know what I'm sad about.

And about the dark days. I left my former school in grade 4th and joined BLs in 5th as you know. (I am sick of mentioning I dont remember) So i dont remember the first day of school although I think it was raining. And I remember how no one took interest in me and how I was left alone and the first person to talk to me was Pari / Ishika. So naturally the only person I used to hang out became Pari. Then comes the online classes, I really don't wanna recall them. Maybe they are the memories making me feel sad right now. Those dark, depressing days. How I almost became mad then. I never wanted to die, I wanted to be a survivor. Only flashes and glims of those days are now left in my head. I remember suffocating, screeching,  screaming, crying non stop for hours, locking my self up in my room, How I used to hit my chest feeling as if something was stuck in my throat and wasn't getting out no matte how hard I tried, not going out of my house for eight months, trying to talk to my parents but them not understanding(every teen life) my mother always saying that I'v gone mad and that she'll help me out of 'this' , but I never knew what 'this' was. I felt as if i'm dying slowly, decaying slowly, but never understood what was killing me. I lost interest in every thing, half of my hair have already fallen and are still falling.  I became like a zombie, felt that I only had to survive, only had to live to get out of the misery, but it only got worse, I was just living, like a bacteria or animal, just living, feeling as if my emotions my brain my body, every thing was rotting. I had nothing to live for, nothing to do. And I'm sorry I have left it hanging by writing only this much today this  cause I could write only  this much.

(Ill write the rest sometime later)