Currently its the 14th of August. And I'm again depressed. Or more like confused. I am not able to give my exams and I haven't attended school from over 3 weeks and that means I'm a lot behind on syllabus, studies, learning, and work. But guess what, there's more to it. I have my coaching's half-yearly from 20th and I haven't learned any thing and I'm a lot behind on syllabus and so I have to go to doubt sessions that will occupy my time for completing my school work. That means that I won't be able to study for the school half yearly or the coaching mid terms and in conclusion it means that I'm gonna fail or at least get the least marks in class.
At the same time I'm confused about my choices and my life. I want to leave the coatching because I am not getting good grades in school and I think that 7th grade was too young to start caoching. And at the same time contradictory thoughts ( there is no problem with anything but you and you are not studying enough and only sleeping and wasting time.) are also prevailing in my shitty mind.
Although I don't want to disturb you with your preparation for the tests, I would like some advise. But moving aside form my current life and reality, I wanted to write about my future wants.
I don't have a favorite subject, nor a hobby and also I don't have any friends( if you are wondering that I'm not mentioning you its cause you are just a stranger, WYLLA) I don't have anything particular that I want to achieve in life or a profession I like. So therefore I don't have something or any subject I want to work hard on.
I want to be rich, like really rich. Rich enough to go to any book store and buy any number of books I want, or any number of cloths I want. Rich enough that I can support my confused mind. I like photography, but I don't want that as a profession. I want to travel a lot. See a lot of places and eat delicious food and wear nice cloths. Meet different people, spend time alone some times and travel a lot more. So of course Ill need money for that. But how'll I earn money. Should I study very hard and get a good nice paying job. But thats only nice paying and not very good paying. What field should I choose. I don't know cause I don't have a field I like.
So as you can see I'm even confused about my future and and theres no point talking about the past. I'm sorry you have to read all this shit but I really wanted to write a letter to you cause you're the only one that listens to me. (I hope you do *=* )
And as a reply to this letter, tell me about your plans or state.
( And i'll reply to your letters in the next letter I write. (So wait)
And Don't think of me too pathetic. This letter isn't an excuse for me not replying. I read your letters after writing this and at the time I had nothing to write on )
And wan't to say I really really really enjoy reading your letters. You know its the only thing that makes me proud right now. Like someone's alive and real out there who thinks about me or misses me. The only people who missed me were the fictional characters I created in my fantasy.
And look forward to when you meet me. I'll bring you two rings, and a lead pencil.
Ty your bad friend Clara
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(this is literally me right now ) see I miss you so much that I'm crying
