INNOCENCE || 18+ [on hold]

2 || Memories

Song: Tems- Free Mind

Aleyna

I try to move and turn my body on my side into a much more comfortable position but it's futile as the pain in my stomach only grows.

I halt my movements as I stop to take in a shaky breath, looking out at the large floor to ceiling windows, as the sight beyond it never fails to put a smile on my face.

I use all me strenght to get up carefully trying not to wake up Anthony that's sleeping besides me snoring like a pig that's on some type of drug.

I get up on shaky feet shaking at the numbness in them from laying down for so long. Turning my head to look at the big gold marble clock hanging on the wall, I huff out in content.

It's 4:47 in the morning yet still dark outside, the sun is just starting to rise from its abyss.

Spinning on my heels I turn to the kitchen limping around the island as I make my way to the cabinet, opening it and grabbing two Advils. I pop one into my mouth limping back to grab a water bottle and downing the pill down my throat with the help of the water.

I do the same for the next Advil, call me weak for not being able to swollow both of the pills at once but I've never even had a deep or semi small cut. I was a very very safe child growing up and I still am, a little to safe I never took any risks.

Kids use to make fun of me for it, Elementary school was my version of hell. Aswell as middle and highschool.

I was your average 'sweet good little girl' growing up. I'm not ashamed of it nor do I regret it. My behavior gave me favour in almost any adults eyes espicially boys and men as I got older.

Every year I was the teachers favorite even throught out middle and highschool.
Not only was I all my teachers favorite but also my families and my parents favorite daughter.

That's one thing I love Niya for, even thought I was the families favorite she still treated me the same no matter what. She never got jealous of the unwanted attention I would constantly receive or all the gifts and presents they would shower me with.

Unlike my school life, I was constantly getting bullied and it's saddens me to say but I didn't have a back bone through my childhood years. My flight of fight sense was activated but I always lacked the ability to fight so I always ran and hid from my problems growing up.

Yes I gained favour in the adults eyes However I lost it in children my age.

However because of it I always hung around the adluts and elderly people as it forced me to become more mature in life, so I was always more advanced then the rest of the children my age.

At school my name was teacher's pet, They short formed it to 'Teapet'.

At one point in my school years I would even ask myself if they even knew my real name, if they knew me, but that didn't regard me thought.

When people place a low value on themselves, or when people don't like themselves-no matter how good of a front they put on they project that same self-dislike onto others.-Me in this case.

Humans typically do things to get pleasure or avoid pain, replicating their own lived experiences. They may be driven by a desire to hurt you-me, in the same way they have been hurt, to bring other's down and cause you pain in the same ways they have experienced it.

No matter what Niya always had a special place for me in her heart. A tear escapes my eyes at the crude memories of what my parents used to do to her because of me, because of my mistakes no matter how much I would beg and plead with them to stop,it was no use I was defenseless against them.