Behind Closed Doors

08 - fuck off.

Natalia's POV:

I walk into her apartment and go straight to her room. I knock on her door, and I hear her rush around.

"Hold on!" She says. Zoey comes out of her room, making out with Elizabeth. I raise my eyebrows. I knew those bitches had something going on.

"Um, hi?" I say. They look at me.

"Hey!" Lizzie says. I shake my head, and Hazel opens the door. Her eyes are.. red. And they've gotten smaller. Well, her eyelids are making it look that way.

"Are you high?" I ask. She nods slowly.

"Yup.." she says. I hand her the phone, and she grabs it, then holds onto my hand.

"Have you ever gotten high, Nat?" I shake my hand. My dad is an addict. And I refuse to touch any type of drug for fear of getting addicted.
"Do you want to?" She whispers. We hold eye contact, and I shake my head.

"No," I whisper. She nods.

"Fine with me." I wonder what we could admit when we both aren't sober.

"Actually, I want to." She grins and pulls me into her bedroom. She pushes me onto the bed and hands me a blunt.

"Here," She whispers. She positions my hands so I can hold it right. I bring it up to my mouth and inhale it. I cough. A lot.

"Fuck," I say hitting my chest. She grins and sits next to me. She rubs my back.

"You're okay, Nat." I take another hit and hand it to her.

"You're doing so good," she says rubbing my back again. I look at her, then her lips.

I'm thinking about the kiss again.

"Kiss me," she whispers.

"I can't, baby. I'm still sober." She takes another hit and lays down. She exhales, and I lay next to her. She looks at me. I look at her. We hold eye contact. She hands me the blunt, and I take multiple hits.

"We need music! Alexa, play my I'm not sober playlist on Spotify!" Call out my name comes on.

After a couple of minutes of having it, I am definitely not sober. I feel amazing. The world is brighter, and I feel happy. Really, really happy.

"Do you think I'm pretty, Hazel?" I whisper looking at her. She looks at me and looks at my lips.

"I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, Talia," She whispers. She takes a hit and leans in. I connect our lips just as the beat drops to Earned It by The Weeknd happens.

I pull away.

"Exhale, darling," she says. I do what she says, and smoke comes out of my mouth. I face the ceiling again, and she puts out the blunt and grabs my hand.

"I think you have really pretty eyes. And I know you don't like them because they're brown, but I love them, Natalia," she says, looking at me. I look at her.

"And I love your hair. It's so long and healthy and I wish I could have it. You don't let anyone get to you, and I love that about you," she adds. I kiss her again. We start to make out, and all of a sudden I feel..

Butterflies?

I straddle her lap, and she gasps.

"Oh," whispers, kissing me again. I pull away. I can't lead her on. I'd feel so shitty if I did. And if I continue this, I'd hurt her.

And fuck, I don't want to do that. I can't do that.

"No. I can't. I don't have any romantic feelings for you, Hazel," I whisper. She pulls me back down to her.

"I know. No strings attached?" I shake my head.

"I'm sorry, baby. But then you'd need more and I can't give you that," I whisper. I kiss her softly and lay back down.

"I'm sleepy," she says. I look at her lips, and then her eyes.

"I should go." I sit up.

"Oh," she says. I look at her.
"Goodnight, Nat." I kiss her forehead.

"Night, Hazel." I walk out. Lizzie looks me up and down.

"Are you high?"

"Maybe," I say.

"You trust Hazel enough to get high with her, but you won't admit you're in love with her? Odd," she says.

"It's because I'm not in love with her, Liz." She nods.

"Yeah. Alright." I passive-aggressively smile at her and lay on the couch. Lyss comes out of her room and sees me on the couch. She puts a blanket over me and goes into the fridge.

"Has peanut eaten today?" She asks. It's so cute. How they care for her. And each other, for that matter.

"Yes," Zoey says.

"Dinner?"

"She ate before she went to the studio." She nods, and I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

I wake up to Harry Styles blasting, and Lyss and Hazel singing their hearts out.

Adorable, she is.

"Hey, Nat you're up!" Hazel says.

"I'm.. up. And.. thirsty?" I say. She giggles and throws me a bottle of water.

"Yes, that happens. Cotton mouth."

"Yeah.." I stand up.

"I gotta go. This is a good hour to take photos."

"It's 5 am and still dark," Lyss says.

"Yes. But the field I want to go to is an hour out." I smile at them and walk out. Was I lying? No. But I'm really just going to go home in my bed and cry.

Why?

I don't know.

I have a hallow feeling in my chest.

A/N - hi. I love you!