30/08/2022
Very emotional chapter, grab some tissues...
TW: mentions of illness, health, medical care, grief, death, loss of family/loved ones
Song of the Chapter:
Jocelyn Flores by XXXTENTACION
- Willow's POV -
I was a mess— hair in tangles and mascara staining my cheeks, suffering from jet lag which I hadn't yet had the chance to recover from as the flight I took wasn't sudden. But I wasn't nearly as much a mess as Lando was. I spotted him— what appeared to a shadow or ghost of the boy I was infatuated with, entirely broken down in the hospital halls.
He could barely get any words out on the phone so I had reached out to his father instead who let me know that his beloved wife had been diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer and admitted for treatment.
Though after some research, I had discovered that the survival rate for her condition was high, it was understandable why Lando has completely fallen apart.
We don't say anything once we spot each other. I just open my arms up for him and he collapses into my chest, breaking into painful sobs.
I hated how familiar this all felt. No one should be used to this kind of agony.
But this wasn't about me. This was about Lando and his family.
I wish I could explain it but somehow, this felt worse. I wouldn't wish this scenario on my worst enemy let alone the person I loved most in the world. I had never wanted him to know that kind of pain first hand but the universe had a funny way of treating good people.
He was shaking in my arms, uncontrollably, making a stream of tears roll down my face, feeling for him.
I'm so sorry baby. I know how much this hurts.
I held him as tight as I could, having been in this exact situation 11 years ago.
"Willow, I'm so scared" he whispers and my heart shatters at the suffering in his voice.
"I know. It's okay baby. It's okay, she's a fighter, she can do this. It's gonna be okay."
He pulls away from me, looking furious. The way he was looking at me— I didn't recognize him or that look.
"Don't you dare" he warns and my I could feel my heartbeat quicken.
But then again, I did recognize this Lando...
This was the Lando that shouted and screamed and threw things across the room.
He walked closer to me. I reached out to cup his face but with the tight grip of his fingers wrapped around both my wrists, stopping me, he gave me an icy cold stare.
"I would rather you book the next flight back and leave than continue to look me in the eyes and lie to my fucking face...I expect those words from anyone but you, Will. Don't tell me it's gonna be okay. You of all people know damn well, that it might not be" he spits out.
I swallow the lump in my throat. I disregarded his insensitive words knowing he wasn't thinking rationally at the moment.
My wrists were aching from his tight hold on them but I knew he didn't even realize he was hurting me.
In hindsight, he was right. There was no use feeding him lies and sugarcoating the situation. I think what hurt me the most back then, was realizing that my father had been in pain and dying and no one bothered to tell me until he had less than a month left to live.
"You want me to be honest?" I look him dead in the eyes. He nods.
My wrists were definitely going to bruise later.
"You're right. I don't know if everything will be okay. She might not make it. But you know what, Lando?" I step even closer to him, showing him I wasn't going to let him push me away. "There's also the chance she might...and it's your job as her son to believe that she will"
He doesn't say anything.
"I'm not going to promise you a good outcome. This is going to be a long, painful journey for you and your family, and for your mother. You know that pain you're feeling in every bone in your body right now? Its going to feel ten times worse when you walk into that room everyday and notice that she's paler, thinner, and has got less hair on her head than the day before. I'm not gonna pretend that things are getting better when they're not, but I sure as hell won't participate in breaking you more than you already are with unnecessary honesty. I will be your light at the end of the darkness whenever I can. When you completely fall apart, I'm going to pick up every damn piece and put you back together, as many times as I have to. When you've completely given up, I will be that tiny drop of hope that gets you going again"
I pause and lift up my wrists so he can see them.
"When you're angry at the universe for dealing you this awful card and you're absolutely exhausted from holding everything in, I will be your punching bag"
His fingers drop instantly.
He looks at me in a way that tells me he's understood as he backs up against the wall and slides down until he hits the floor.
I walk over and sit next to him, grabbing his hand in mine. He stares at my wrist which now had marks imprinted where his fingers had previously been.
We both look up at each other at the same time. He looked devastated at what he'd done.
I beat him to it before he could say anything.
"Don't you dare" I imitate him and pause before continuing.
"I would rather you not speak to me at all than apologize for anything you do or say from now on...I'd expect the word sorry from anyone but you, Lan. You of all people, know what it's like to be hurt by someone who's angry, upset, and going through something horrible...drunk or not" I tell him with a light smile.
He looks directly into my eyes, silently, but the look itself said so much— thank you.
"Don't thank me either...you know what? Now that I think about it...I would rather you not speak to me at all. I'm a bitch when I'm upset. You're just an idiot and I already live with five of those"
It was weak but it was a smile and it warmed my heart.
He leans on me and I throw my arm over his shoulder without letting go of his hand. He lets out a deep breathe and I kiss his temple softly.
"I love you" he whispers
"Now that, you can say as much as you want, Norris...I love you" I whisper back
Contre vents et marées
Dans les bons et les mauvais moments
Dans la maladie et dans la santé
Alors qu'autour de nous, le monde s'effondre
Je vous aime
Et je t'aimerais pour toujours
(Against all odds
During the good times and the bad times
In sickness and in health
As the world collapses around us
I will love you
and will love you forever)
-
Raise your hand if you cried 🙋♀️
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Word count: 1244
