21/06/23
I accidentally ghosted you guys again...oops
Song of the Chapter:
Spin Bout U by Drake & 21 Savage
- Willow's POV -
The countdown to my mother's wedding was T minus 3 days and between my maid of honour duties, studying for my midterms, and hospital visits with Lando, it was safe to say, stressed was the understatement of the century for how I was feeling. It's not like I had any alternative options. I couldn't slack off on the degree that had always been my dream, nor could I let Lando or my mother down.
It seems that Lando had been right when he told me I needed to make sure I was stable in order to support others. Unfortunately, it was simply impossible for me to opt out of my responsibilities, and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn't think of a better solution to all my problems than a good old shot or three of tequila.
I didn't give in though. Contrary to what my mind was telling me, surrendering to my worst temptation would single-handedly disappoint everyone in my life, including myself.
As hard as I tried to memorize the first ten amendments of constitutional law, my mind was racing with a whole of lot of nothing. I would never say it out loud, but I couldn't fight my body's fatigue anymore.
I was not only physically exhausted from running around London for the past three weeks; from cake tasting to chemotherapy appointments to dress fittings and so on, but mentally as well. I was lucky if I managed to get a mere 2 hours of sleep, both of which were interrupted almost daily by the gut-wrenching sound of Lando's screams in the middle of the night.
He started having nightmares since last week and ever since, not a day has gone by where he hasn't abruptly woken up covered in a thick layer of sweat, trembling with panic. It shattered my heart as I knew all too well how he felt, having gone through an identical situation.
My nightmares stopped when I was around 11 or 12, not because I had made peace with my father's death, but because I'd driven myself to state of complete and utter numbness. I was paralyzed from emotion, both good and bad; it's for this reason that I became so unaware of how my actions affected others. It was for this reason that that I'd treated the man I loved more than anything in the world throughout most of our relationship until recently, not realized how much I truly cared for him.
It was once I came to this realization, that I understood just how much I was grateful to have him in my life, to be blessed with a love like his, because to be completely honest? I would've left the first month had I been treated the way I did Lando.
I was always going to regret the pain that I caused him. I could only think of one word to describe myself and it was cruel. I was cruel to the sweet, innocent boy who was willing to give me everything I ever wanted in life and more. I must've been Mother Teresa in another life because there was simply no logical way that someone like me could deserve someone like him.
"Earth to Will?" Lando's voice snaps me out of my mental spiral. I hadn't even realized he was speaking to me.
"Sorry, what did you say?" I ask him, rubbing my tired eyes.
He opens his mouth to speak but it shuts as his face is painted with an expression that I couldn't decipher. He looked at me— almost like he was looking through me, and with the paleness and frailty of my skin lately due to lack of self-care, he probably could.
He lets out a long breath. "Come on, let's go home" he says and if I weren't completely depleted of all my energy, my heart would've combusted at the way he said home like we lived together.
