Don't Give Up On Me Now-Bradley Bradshaw

Chapter 12: Shitty day

After my trial run with Javy, Nat and Bob, I was in the locker room trying to calm down. Seeing Javy pass out from the G's, not making the target, not having the laser working, and Nat and Bob having to eject from their flat spin from their bird strike, I can't stop having flashbacks of Maia. I tried calming down and when Lia came into the room, she saw that I was having a panic attack, and she tried to calm me down and have me snap out of it, but I couldn't.
"Rach, breathe. Breathe in and out for me." Lia said but I couldn't focus and I couldn't breathe or anything. Lia ran out and went to the lounge room and saw Maverick talking to Val, Jake, Javy and Reuben.
"Dad." Lia said.
"What's wrong?"
"Rachel is having a panic attack and she won't snap out of it." Lia said.
"I got it." Mav said, noticing the boys and Val's reaction. Mav came running into the locker room.
"Rach, listen to me as much as you can, focus on my breathing and try and keep it in sync." Mav said as he put my hand on his chest. My vision was all over the place but I noticed the boys, all of them were there but Nat and Bob.
"I promised her that we would make it back, I promised her kid and husband I would make it back. She and I promised to each other that we would. I told her that I can't promise her because we were going down, I knew we were both gonna make it." I said, shaking as more of the same flashbacks came back.
"We're gonna go back home to Ethan and we're gonna watch movies with him and Nathaniel we're gonna play games together because we're both making it out of this alive." I said to Maia as I kept trying to keep the plane going before we crash and die.
"Promise me that you'll go home and tell Ethan that his momma loved him and tell Nate that his wife loved him and that you'll be there for my boys." Maia said.
"No, Maia, you're making it out of this alive. I'm not promising you that." I said.
"It's my fault, I didn't do some of that pilot shit and now's she's dead." I said.
"I promised Ethan and Nate that she would make it back. And she didn't, only I came back and the look on Ethan's face when I came back home to him and Nate and he found out about the flat spin and the bird strike and the failed engine and her ejection handles not working, I can't stop getting that face out of my head." I said.
"it's my fault, it's all my fault." I said as Mav gave me a hug and didn't let go.
"She's gone because I couldn't save her." I said.
"Breathe Rach, breathe in and out." Mav said. After a couple more minutes, I was able to finally calm down. Hondo got the boys and everyone else to leave a couple minutes ago.
"It's not your fault Rachel, I can tell you that much."
"Mav, seeing my sister flat spin and get in a bird strike, it brought back memories and now I feel bad because I couldn't save them." I said.
"Well, they are okay and they are in the hospital being kept overnight just to be safe but they are okay." Mav said.
"Do you want to go see them?" Mav asked and I shook my head no.
"It's just going to make it worse." I said.
"Maverick." Admiral Bates said as he came into the room and he looked at him and Mav knew that Ice was gone.
"Does Valerie know?" I asked.
"Yes, and she's decided to leave the mission so she can be at home with her mom and siblings." Admiral Bates said. I nodded and left and went to go find Val.
"Val." I said and she was crying and I just ran over to her and Lia. We comforted her and said goodbye while she went home. Ice's funeral is tomorrow and so we all went home and I went to go pick up Amelia from the bar.
"Hey, let's go." I said.
"Finally!" Amelia said as she grabbed her homework and we went out to my car after saying bye to Penny. We headed back to my house and Amelia put her stuff in the guest room that I set up for her. We made some pasta and watched some movies.
"Are you okay?" Amelia asked.
"Not right now, but I will be." I said.
"Well I'm here to make you feel better, but can you take me to Dairy Queen please?" Amelia asked.
"It's 11pm." I said.
"So? It's still open, please Rach?" Amelia begged and I gave in. We grabbed our jackets and slid on some shoes, I just put my Nike slides on, while she took my boots and put them on and I gave her one of my old jackets, from when I was in middle school and I was wearing my navy jacket that has all of my patches of places that I served.
"Can we get some Dairy Queen for Val to make her feel better?" Amelia asked and I smiled.
"Yeah sure." I said and we ordered three blizzards and some other food too and I ended up dropping Amelia back off at her and her mom's place because tonight just wasn't the right night for her to sleep over and I said that she could sleep over tomorrow night after the funeral. I went to Val's house and I grabbed the food and knocked on the door.
"Hey Sarah."I said since the door opened to reveal Val's Mom, Sarah Kazansky.
"Hey Rachel, she's in her room." Sarah said and I gave her a hug before heading upstairs to Val's room. I knocked.
"Come in." Val said and I walked in and she was looking like shit.
"You look like absolute shit right now Valerie." I said and she laughed.
"Don't mention it." Val said and I nodded and sat down next to her and handed her food.
"Very Cherry Chip Blizzard and some French fries and a burger." I said as she started eating.
"My favorite comfort food." Val said.
"You okay?" I asked.
"No, but I will be." Val said and I nodded. We ate and laughed about memories with each other.
"Remember when you and I were at the bar and we got drunk and my dad came and busted us and he was so pissed?" Val asked as she and I laughed.
"Oh my god, I remember that. you were grounded for a month and he grounded me for a month." I said, remembering when I wasn't allowed to fly for a month since Ice had grounded me.
"God that was horrible." Val said.
"I miss him so much R." Val said. I just went over to her and hugged her.
"I know you do, and I promise you that I'll be right here every step of tomorrow and I can promise you that it will get better." I said.
"You would know wouldn't you." Val said.
"I do know, and what's this shit about you leaving the mission?" I asked.
"Shit, I was hoping you didn't hear about that." Val said.
"You wish, but you better be at training the day after tomorrow or so help me god I will drag your ass to training." I said.
"I don't doubt it." Val said and we spent the rest of the night just trying to cheer each other up and I told her that Dylan broke up with me and she was about to go leave and kill him but realized that she wasn't in the right state of mind.
"I love you Rach." Val said.
"I love you too Val." I said and we gave each other a big hug and I went home because Val kicked me out of the house so she could get some sleep before tomorrow.