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I remember all the pain

The sand beneath my feet felt like little cloud particles against my skin

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The sand beneath my feet felt like little cloud particles against my skin. The breeze soft brushing my cheek with a paint brush dipped with a pale pastel pink. This image, I've seen it one too many times in my head. All those insomnia filled nights and all those days that I never even saw a shed of light besides the shear hint of light from the corner of my window. My curtains had shielded me all this time, coping with something as hard as death.

My eyes flickered along the waves that washed up little white foams, disappearing into the golden sand. Her smile seemed to reflect against the ocean, her eyes were like the bright sun that showered me with warmth.

It was all just my imagination but god did she look so real.

My feet touched the water that felt like blades of ice scratching against my skin. My eyes closed as I continued to walk towards the water. I felt the weight of my body become lighter, my breaths become shallower. I felt like I had to keep walking, that was the only way I could see her again.

I stopped.

The water had reached my neck. I could barely touch the floor.

You have to see all the things she didn't get a chance to see. You have to see all the wonderful majesties in the world. You have to see a future that she hoped to have. Her vision was precious, so is yours.

Treasure it.

"Winwin, I think there's something you have to see"

I stood in front of the security cameras, breaths to heavy that I thought it drowned my heartbeat. That feeling where you knew something was wrong, it was there. It was so prominent that I could've sworn it chained up my entire chest.

"I think there was a reason behind the surgery going wrong" Sooah's doctor said, pointing to the screen of  a man that just entered the door. His physique was familiar; buff but not tall, a dangerous familiarity.

"Look at his hand. He's changing the tools. I remember, when I was doing the surgery, something was definitely off when I picked up one of the tools. It wasn't the one that I had asked my assistant to give me, but my assistant had never made that mistake. It was too big of a rookie mistake. At that time, I had just thought it was a genuine mistake, but that short 10 second gap where I used the wrong tool must have caused something fatal." He explained "I had no clue that someone had intentionally come in and changed the tools. He was so discrete it was barely noticeable"

Something clicked.

Minsu.

It all made sense.

That disgrace of a human wanted so badly for me to join the gang again...and he knew Sooah. He must've connected the dots—that Sooah was one of the main reasons I refuse to join. The only way to force me to join...was to kill her. To discard of the barrier that's stopping me from joining.

He disgusts me.

At that moment, I wanted to kill him, much more badly that I wanted to before.

I stood in front of the big garage door decorated with graffiti. This place that haunted me till days end. I held something in my hands, something so forbidden by radiated with destruction.

I could see Minsu, and his merciless smirk.

I couldn't hold in the desire to just drag a knife through his guts. I took a step forward, wielding the knife in my hands, hungry for revenge.

"That mother fucker will die in my hands tonight" I forced through my teeth. The moment I took a step towards him, an arm dragged me back, and so did my senses snap back into place.

"Winwin wake the fuck up" A man's voice run through my head. I whipped around to face a pair of chocolate eyes.

"Taeyong" I breathed, my body physically trembling.

"I know you must hate everyone right now" Taeyong grasped my arm "But you know better than anyone that murder never ends well"

I was shivering, the knife from my hand fell to the ground. I was on the verge of complete self-destruction.

"I cant do this anymore" I stuttered incoherently, crashing to the ground.

"Winwin" Taeyong sighed, placing a hand on my shoulder in an attempt to console me. But nothing could consol me when my lifeline was just cut in half with the scissors of death.

"I know it's all for Sooah"

Her name still hurts to hear.

"But what would she say if she saw you like this?"

I exhaled. She would be so heartbroken, and disappointed.

"I have a plan, Winwin"

"I dont want to do anything anymore Taeyong. Everything is a blur recently and my head is full of noise I...I'm so close to losing it" My fist hit the floor, entire face as pale as a sheet of paper.

"We can fight against Minsu, Winwin, let's do it. Let's create something of our own and we'll make something even bigger than that stupid wrestling cult he has. Let's fight for what he made us lose"

Everyone who works for Minsu has either lost something or wants something. In Taeyongs case, he was always a conserved man, but everyone knew he wanted to make his life right again by fighting violence with violence—revenge for the abuse he had endured all his life with both his parents and his friends, physically and verbally. For my case, I wanted to become better, live a life of total freedom yet...I gained that through the sacrifice of lives. For others, it was money, and for some, it was for pleasure; we all wanted something.

"We can't win against someone as powerful as Minsu" it was all too hopeless afterall.

"We may not be able to do beat it with just us, but we can with more people. Minsu is fucking smart, but no amount of brains for one person can beat many others. I know it's possible, please, Winwin" Taeyong grabbed my arm for reassurance and desperation. I lifted my head to stare at him right in the eyes, and I saw sincerity and faith.

"Please, let us make something together, and destroy that motherfucker"

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