What is it ... to be free ? | Ayanokouji Kiyotaka x Suzuki Shizuku [STOPPED]

Prologue: Lacrimosa

Kiyotaka POV:

So she really commited suicide.

At that time, although i said that i wouldn't stop her, deep down, i want the opposite.

I don't want to lose her.

She is my first friend ever in White Room.

If i cry, she will always be there, to comfort me, to calm me down.

To help me regain my smile.

But that day, my father has threaten me by that video.

Flashback

- Kiyotaka, tonight i must have a flight, so i will show you something before going.

Professor Ayanokouji simply said to me without changing his tone.

We arrived at a remote observation room, with the sign "Failures".

What i saw was nothing but pure chaos and insanity. I just wanted to scream. Many screens. A screen show a graveyard. Others show different people, but just from seeing, i could instantly sense something was off. Some of them were laughing like maniacs. Some were just sitting still, motionless, looking into the wall like staring to the abyss. Some were hurting themselves by many ways, hitting their heads, stabbing themselves by anything they found, or doing such things that even i couldn't describe.

My father, satisfied with the horrified face i had, said.

- Kiyotaka, if you keep up your bad performance, you will likely die or end up like one of them, the failures. So you should do something to yourself.

As he left the room, he also ordered a guard nearby to escort me back to my room.

When i broke out of my thought, i was in my room already. I couldn't stop shivering, seeing all those scenes made my blood froze. I couldn't sleep, angry and frustrated at myself for being weak, for being incompetent. Sadness. Angriness. Hatred.

And then, my counciousness shut down before i could even fix my mind.

End flashback.

After that day, my mind slowly but steady lose emotions. Or should i say, humanity.

But i also realize, the more humanity i lost, the more potential i unlock.

All the learning become easier. Or should i say, too easy?

My smile was gone after that day.

Slowly but steady, other "friends" died or went insane.

Before, i would scream and ask for help, but after that day, i felt nothing.

Just standing there, looking down the child that was going to the death.

For me right now, everyone are nothing but tools. It doesn't matter how it's done. It doesn't matter what need to be sacrificed. Because in the world where winning is everything, i just need an ultimately win. That's everything i need.

At least that's what i believe i think.

Because there is one emotion, one fragment of humanity that i can't destroy.

Feeling for her.

People in White Room sometimes joke about romance between me and Shizuku-san.

Of course, i must say that she is the cutest i have ever met.

But in White Room, love is nothing but a joke.

However, i considered Shizuku-san as the first ever friend.

Even after when i lost my humanity and emotions, she kept talking to me, kept comforting me.