Imperial Love: We'll Meet Again: Richard and Alexander's story Book 6

Chapter Six

Richard had found himself writing another letter to Alexander that same evening. He wanted to know if everything was alright. He wanted to know if Alexander was safe, he tried to remember that mail takes forever to get to him, but he didn't care. He was too busy thinking about his friend. He wanted to let him know about Virginia and write to him about his day with Marjorie, and his two childhood friends. He wanted to write to Alexander about Jimmy and Dorothy expecting their child. 

Dear Alexander,

I know I wrote to you the night before but I wanted to tell you all about the day I had. I spent time with my childhood friend, Jimmy and his wife, Dorothy, and you already know about my wife Marjorie. Her and I got into an argument about us potentially having children. Just imagine me as a father because I can't.

But arguing with her about our future is not how I imagined returning to her.

You know I have been doing a lot of thinking about everything and since I returned home, I haven't been feeling much like myself. I don't know why and I can never really seem to figure it out.

Perhaps it was because when I'm fighting, I'm used to feeling vulnerable and feeling like I am not going to make it out of the war alive.

But I don't know.

I often feel as if there is more to that.

I miss you.

And I think about you a lot.

More than I want to admit to myself. 

Maybe that's it.

Maybe I need my best friend.

You know something, there was something else that I was thinking about in regards to our friendship. I was thinking about you having those feelings for me that you had and I did wonder a lot. I wondered how you knew that you had feelings for me. Because sometimes I wondered if I could ever return those feelings for you. I know I'm a married man, and I know I really shouldn't be thinking about anyone else. But I have been wondering, how did you know, that you preferred men over women? When did you figure it out? Who saved you? Who helped you get out of your shell and helped be who you really are?

I'm sorry if I am asking so much. Because I'm wondering if... I'm not... saying that I am wondering if I am like you... because I love Marjorie. I love Marjorie very much, more than anything else. I also don't want to betray her, because she means everything to me.  Her and I want to have a life together. She wants to have children of her own, with me. If I told her I'm exploring who I am, she would be heartbroken.

Who am I kidding?

Marjorie notices something.

Marjorie noticed how close we were. Perhaps from everything I told her about you. Perhaps I told her all about our friendship and far much I have helped you. Maybe she was starting to suspect something in a way. But not about me. But about you. I'm sorry if that sounds wrong for me to say. But I don't even know what she is thinking anymore. I don't know what I'm thinking anymore. I'm not in the right mindset these days.

But then I am thinking about what could have been. What could have been if I never enlisted in the military? What could have been if you and I have never met? I wish for nothing to have been any different. Because I have no regrets about enlisting. Because I have no regrets about enlisting. Let alone meeting you, Alexander Grey. One of the kindest, bravest men I have ever known. I can't imagine what you are doing or seeing right now. I just hope you're alive if anything right now.