Imperial Love: We'll Meet Again: Richard and Alexander's story Book 6

Chapter Eight

As Days went on, Richard continued to write back to Alexander any chance he could. Sometimes he would have moments where he had a hard time trying to figure out what to write. There was one day when he spent a whole hour trying to figure out what to write. He wanted to speak from the heart, and he didn't know what he had in mind, his heart and his head were telling him a million different things. But he knew that he was going to figure out what to say eventually but he was having his doubts about what he was going to say. He had never been in a situation where he felt as if he was starting to love someone that he couldn't love, someone that he couldn't tell anyone about. He had to keep it inside, and not tell anyone, because if he told anyone, he felt as if his life would be ruined. He would love his wife, and his friends and he would be shamed for trying to show who he really was. 

There were a lot of emotions going on in his head, so much for him to think about. If Marjorie found out he was writing to Alexander so much and if he found out about the things he was saying, everything would be ruined for him. And for Alexander. But he wanted full disclosure, full disclosure on what Alexander wanted from Richard. Even though he could understand what Alexander wanted. He could understand entirely. But he didn't know if he could ever give him that. 

As he was writing, he started to think about things he could say next to him. Because he knew that getting that most recent letter from Alexander, he was starting to feel the same way. He didn't know it was because he thought about when Alexander tried to kiss him that one time in the bunk. He started to replay that moment over and over in his mind. But then that was when deciding what to write started to hit him. He started to think about how much that kiss meant to him.

All of it was easy for him to figure out for himself, he really missed Alexander, and no one else. He needed to be with him. 

Dear Alexander,

I don't know why I was having a hard time trying to figure out what to write, but I know now. All of it was coming to be so difficult when I got that letter. I spent at least two to three days trying to figure out what to write to you, then it all started to play over and over again in my mind. More than I would ever admit to anyone, let alone myself. These past few days, I have been questioning who I really was. I was questioning if Marjorie would continue to make me happy if I was still in love with her the way she was in love with me. And a part of me feels really guilty that I don't feel the way I did before, I have tried for so long, but I can never find myself to be attracted to her anymore. She is getting suspicions, suspicions on why I am the way I am now. She is thinking it's trauma, but she also thinks it's something more.

I was thinking about the time when you almost kissed me a lot. I think about it way more than I should. It made me wonder if it's you. If it's you I am supposed to be with. But I don't know... And a part of me wishes that you actually did. I really wish you did. I wish you actually kissed me. 

Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if you did. If you did actually kiss me that day. Would anyone ever find out? Would we have been shamed for being who we really are? I don't know. There are a lot of things that could have happened.

But a part of me doesn't want to even think about all of the possibilities, I just want to think about what could be next between us, because there could be a lot of possibilities on what is next. We could run away. Forget about the war when it's over.

Because I know I certainly want to forget about all of it. I don't want to keep fighting. I don't want to continue in this war. I want to be able to become a better man on my own. I just can't wait until the war is finally over. No more telegrams, no more worry, no more constant fear of death, and no more fear of my own life. 

I have been finding it more difficult every day to forget about everything. To forget what is happening in this world, but I remember that we are still in a war. And you are still out there somewhere and I don't know if you are dead or alive or not. 

I hope you're well in Normandy.

I want you to be safe.

And I want you to get out of this war alive.

Then we can discuss what's next for us. Because I want something for both of us. 

I want us both to be safe.

I want us to both be happy.

And I want us to be able to find ourselves out of this war as soon as possible. Especially you. 

Just promise you will write me back as soon as you can, I need to know where you are. And I need to know if you make it out of this war alive. With the way, the war is right now. I need to know for your sake. And for mine. 

I hope I hear from you soon Alexander.

I miss you more than you know.

From,

Alexander

Richard was relieved to get everything out of his system. He was pleased that he was starting to admit as much as he did already. It was a good step for himself, that he was starting to figure out what kind of man he really was. For him to figure out what his purpose was, who he was supposed to be with, and of course what he actually wanted with his life.

There were many directions that he could take, and he didn't know which one, but he knew that he didn't think Marjorie was the right fit for him. He wanted to see Alexander more each day. But he didn't know when it was going to happen. But he needed to try and be optimistic about everything. As hard as it was, he needed to be positive about everything. Even if there was a high risk of Alexander dying on the front lines.

And all he had to do was wait.

Wait for the next letter.