Nothing
By Vallwrites
~
8am.
I wake up.
I stare at the ceiling,
I regret doing nothing the previous day.
I stare at my phone,
ignore my messages,
disconnect myself from the world.
I go to sleep.
11am.
I wake up. Again.
I regret sleeping for the last few hours,
because it feels like wasted time.
I go on my phone,
listen to music,
ignore the messages,
disconnect from the world,
turn on the TV,
rewatch an old show,
feel a sense of nostalgia;
a feeling I crave,
because I long for the past.
1pm.
Regret the past few hours,
can't help but feel like I'm wasting my life,
want to have a shower
but don't have the effort to move.
I lay in bed instead.
I stare at the wall,
follow my gaze over the cracks that travelled through it.
I wonder what I'll do with the rest of my life.
4pm.
I manage to send a few messages,
I gain the strength to get up and shower,
I even begin to feel better.
Somehow even do my skincare.
6pm.
It's nearing the end of the day,
reminding me that I've wasted hours
on doing nothing.
A sense of regret takes over
it's so strong
that it exhausts me.
I feel empty
and numb,
because I don't know what to do with my life.
I feel like
there's no reason for my being.
10pm.
I eat dinner,
I stare at the TV,
looking at the show,
but not watching the show.
12am.
I smile.
Possibly for the first time since yesterday morning.
I smile,
because I can finally go to sleep
and rest my mind.
I won't feel guilty when I wake,
because I will have slept
when I was supposed to,
not just when I felt like it.
Sleeping is my favourite part of the day,
because everything goes blank
and peaceful.
It makes everything
turn into
nothing.
28.08.2022
