Let Down
By vallwrites
~
It hit me today
all I once.
I laid in bed,
staring at my phone like usual
when the realisation suddenly hit me.
I had been through so much.
I went through things which I felt was normal, because they were normal for me.
But the situations I had to experience were the most heart wrenching, soul tearing things that any person could go through.
And I just sat there wondering,
why did it take me so long to realise?
It didn't take long for me to figure it all out.
Everyone always told me it was my fault,
so much to the point where I began to tell myself that as well.
I blamed myself for every horrible and traumatic experience I went through.
I blamed myself.
I never even thought to blame the people who hurt me.
I cried for so long when I realised,
because I had been punishing myself for years over situations that were out of my control.
I punished myself,
because everyone made me feel like I had to.
I kept myself from becoming happy,
pushed others away because I felt I didn't deserve their love,
believed that I was a terrible human being.
I lied to myself.
They all lied to me.
They lied to protect themselves,
to hide the fact that they were actually the bad ones.
They hoped I would believe it forever,
they even believed it themselves
because I allowed them to believe it.
I was the one who had been hurt.
I was the one who had been punished and hated by so many people
for something I couldn't stop.
And once I realised just how badly I had been let down by everyone,
I sobbed,
because I finally realised my worth
and was able to stop punishing myself
for something that wasn't my fault.
I wonder if they'll ever see
how much I was let down.
15.09.2022
