Rivers in the Wilderness

19~Whatever the question Jesus is the answer

Rose sat on the edge of the twin bed with her hands clasped tightly together.

They'd split up into the three rooms, the girls in one, the guys in the other two. She glanced over at Janessa and Grace, each of them on a bed. "I understand why Dean was upset. If God spoke, why were we left out?"

"I think Janessa was right about listening," Grace said gently. "You have to expect to hear. Just because you didn't doesn't mean God isn't speaking to you too."

Rose caught her bottom lip between two white teeth, clearly upset. "That doesn't make sense. I didn't have my hands over my ears."

"Like Grace said maybe we heard because we expected to hear. I can walk outside and there will be a hundred birds singing, but if I'm not tuned in then I miss the entire melody."

Rose turned to Janessa. "I didn't think you believed."

"I believe." Janessa's eyes closed, her features twisted in an expression of anguish. "I've been searching for answers. Thinking about...a creator. God. Jesus."

A pause. "Have you found them?"

"Not yet." Janessa looked up and Grace saw a glimmer of tears in her eyes. "I've done things God wouldn't approve of."

"We all have." Grace's voice was low and without judgment. "It's why we need Jesus. He took away our sin on the cross."

"I haven't been to church in a long time. I don't remember talking about Jesus, just about making the most of your life." Rose brushed a rope of hair behind her ear. "A lot of people accept God, but Jesus is controversial."

Grace, sadly, realized it was true. The enemy worked to make certain the name of Christ Jesus offended, but she knew the truth would prevail.

"I don't think the two can be separated, not according to the Bible." Janessa lifted her head. "I don't understand a lot of the Bible. Maybe if I did, I'd know what to do." Tears slipped down her cheeks.

Grace got up and gingerly sat on the edge of Janessa's bed and Janessa hugged her. "Do you want to talk about it?" Grace asked, pulling back.

"I'm pregnant." The two words tumbled out in a heart-wrenching whisper.

Janessa waited for the expected oh, no or I'm sorry, but when neither girl said anything, her gaze moved to each of them and she released a breath of relief. No judgment registered on either of their faces.

Grace waited patiently, giving her time. Rose did the same.

"When I first found out I thought about an abortion. That's when I started questioning the existence of God. Of course, he wouldn't approve of that." Janessa inhaled a ragged breath. "I got information from a clinic, but it felt wrong. So, I prayed, read the Bible, and visited a church."

"You did the right thing," Grace whispered. "There are other options."

"I know." Janessa nodded. "It's just...my parents would never understand. They're both successful and expect me to follow in their footsteps. I'm supposed to go away to college in August."

"My mom was sixteen when she got pregnant with me." Rose glanced up as if uncertain whether she should have shared that.

Empathy flashed in Janessa's eyes. "Did her parents support her?"

"Not at first. She moved in with her older brother. After I was born my grandparents had a change of heart." She swallowed. "Her boyfriend, my dad, didn't want anything to do with us."

"I'm sorry." A pause. Janessa's forehead wrinkled in concentration. "I've thought about how Dean would react. I don't know."

"It's obvious he loves you."

"Grace is right. That boy is over the moon for you."

A lone tear slid down her cheek. "That's part of the problem. He has a full college scholarship. I can't let him give it up for me." A humorless laugh escaped her. "It was one time. Prom night. His whole life shouldn't be ruined because of it."

Grace patted her back. "Maybe he wouldn't think of it that way."

"I doubt he'd be thrilled to know everything he's worked hard for is being torn away because of one mistake." She brushed away tears with the back of her hand. "But I know Dean and he would do the right thing. He'd give up everything for me, and I'd have to wonder if he'd regret it years later."

"You don't have to have all the answers now," Rose assured her.

"You're right. I know I'm keeping this baby." She glanced over at Grace then Rose. "It's the only solution I can live with. The rest I can work out later."

"I know people who can help you with resources, financial support, and connect you with other mothers who made the same decision you are."

One delicate brow lifted. "Who are these people, Grace?"

"They're from my church."

"Thanks, Grace, but I doubt they'd approve of me." She shook her head. "I know sex before marriage is a sin."

"They're more concerned with your future, not your past. We all sin. Jesus will forgive you if you ask him."

"I really want to believe that." Janessa's voice shook. "I want Jesus to forgive me."

"He will," Grace said, putting her hand on Janessa's back. Reaching over to the nightstand she retrieved a few tissues and handed them to Janessa.

"Thanks. I'm sorry for being a downer. Now you know my dark secret." She laughed and pressed the tissues to her nose. "Sorry if I've overshared."

"My boyfriend hurts me," Rose blurted, eyes widening at the confession.

Grace and Janessa's attention snapped to Rose whose cheeks had turned red.

"He gets mad. Sometimes he grabs me too tightly or pushes. Once he hit me." She blew a soft breath. "My mom wanted me to go on this trip to give me time away from him."

Janessa's jaw dropped. "Oh, honey, I hope you plan on dumping him."

A smile tugged at Rose's lips. "This trip has taught me life is short, maybe much shorter than I expected. I'm never going to change Huck, and I can't stay with him like he is."

"Good for you." Grace gave a small smile which Rose returned.

"I wish accepting Jesus was as easy as the decision to break up with Huck." Rose sighed. "You all want to believe. I wish I had the same hunger for answers you have?"

"Why do you think it's hard?"

"Like I said, belief in God is easy. A lot of people acknowledge a higher power. You can believe in a God and still follow whatever religion you want, but Jesus?" Rose shook her head. "I don't know."

Grace and Janessa listened.

Rose's eyes flicked to the girls. "If what you're saying about him dying for our sins is true then that would mean all the other religions are false."

Grace stayed quiet, letting the Lord sort things in her mind.

"That would leave a lot of people out. Maybe most of the world. I can't believe a loving God would do that." A question lined Rose's words.

"...I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. " Janessa's voice was steady. "Jesus said that. It's in the Book of John."

Rose's forehead crinkled. "Do you really believe that?"

"I do." Something moved across Janessa's features. "God isn't leaving anyone out. He's calling everyone, but some will reject God. I wish I could explain why, but somehow I just know. Jesus is the answer to everything."

"Wow." Rose stared at Janessa, amazed. "I thought you didn't have it all figured out. You are as much of a Christian as Grace. I wish there was a way for me to find the answers."

"There is," Grace said softly. "You can ask God. Pray. Read the Bible. He will help you."

"I don't know, Grace—"

Whatever Rose was going to say next was interrupted by a pounding on the door.