MCYT oneshots

I Just Want You to Know Who I Am

Title from Iris by GooGoo Dolls

Tommy felt like a liar. Constantly. He felt as though he was lying to everyone around him because he wasn't a him at all. Well, sometimes he was. But sometimes she felt more like a girl and sometimes they felt like neither. For the longest time, they had felt like a fraud. Lying to themselves and their friends, and family. He felt like no matter what he did, he wasn't himself. She wasn't real.

From an early age, Tommy had known that she wasn't really interested in dating the opposite sex. But...maybe she was? To Tommy, it had never mattered what the person's gender was, it only really mattered their personality and when he moved up to secondary school, he learnt the term pansexual, a perfect description.

Then, he met Eret. The proud bisexual and gender fluid streamer that often gave gender and sexuality advice live on streams. Tommy couldn't help but feel intrigued. He had been streaming for a couple of months and gained a small following under the name TommyInnit. He had met a friend called Tubbo and a couple more before a bigger streamer, Dream, had invited him onto his server. The Dream SMP. Eret was a part of that server. That was how Tommy found out about them but when it came to new people Tommy was...awkward to say the least. He never knew what to say or what to do, he found it extremely difficult to read the social cues in a conversation which more often than not led to a painful silence or just being disliked. So, instead of having a conversation with Eret, he would only talk to them if someone else was with him to lead him if he got something wrong, Tommy decided to make an alt account and join one of Eret's streams.

Playing on the Dream SMP.

Tommy just sat and watched for a bit as Eret ran around the server, talking as she went occasionally stopping to read subs or donos. It really didn't take long before Tommy decided to add a message through TTS.

Hey everyone, I'm kind of new here and I need some gender advice - T

Tommy had used a random user name simply titled as User with a mix match of numbers following so no one could really track him down through that and by using the initial T to sign off his messages it still kept him a high level of anonymity while allowing him to feel the direct address to himself.

"Hey T, what's up? We'd be happy to give you some advice, can you tell me more about how you're feeling?" Eret said, Tommy's face lit up with a smile. This was exactly what he needed.

Well, I was born a guy but I don't always feel that way. Some days I do but other days I feel like someone else if that makes any sense? - T

"Alright, T, so, I want to start by saying that I cannot tell you in definite who you are or who you should label yourself to be, I'm simply here to guide you to options that I think may be useful to you. From what you said, I think it might be beneficial for you to look into Bigender which means someone who has two genders - often displayed in masculine and feminine roles - though not always and Genderfluid which is not having a fixed gender. You can fluctuate between different ones. I hope that's helpful for you and that you figure things out!"

Tommy opened a new tab, letting the stream play in the background as he typed frantically into his keyboard scanning the definitions as they popped up on the screen. Definitions aside, Tommy turned to people telling their experiences with finding out they were Bigender or Genderfluid, reading a couple of stories and comparing them to himself. Was that him? Did that apply to how he felt?

Bigender was kind of there, making sense but not quite encompassing Tommy's experience with his gender. Then, he read someone's blog on finding out that they were genderfluid.

I knew that I wasn't a girl. Or at least, not just a girl. Some days, I felt like a boy and I wanted people to see me that way and on other days, I didn't want to be seen in either a masculine or a feminine light. I was just a person.