MCYT oneshots

Anxiety - Tommy + Phil

Based off of when Tommy admitted he had anxiety on his first day of college and ended up messaging Phil.

Tommy's P.O.V

It was my first day of college. I was terrified. The morning had been horrible. My parents had yelled at me for nothing, I was almost late for the bus and on the bus ride I was sat next to a druggy. He literally smoked weed sat right there. That was enough to put me in a bad mood, let alone the arising anxiety for the rest of the day to come. 

By the time I arrived at campus, I was freaking out. My hands were shaking and I felt a little light headed. I headed to my first class noticing a lot of people were already there. When I say a lot, I mean about 60 people were sat at desks in the study hall. In my school there had been about 20-30 people in a room. It was a fact that I didn't like people. All though I boasted about how good I was at talking to people, I really wasn't. I was quite like Techno in the sense that I hated being around people. No one that went to my secondary school went to my college. I didn't know anyone here and that just seemed to make it worse. I felt like I was suffocating. I walked quickly to a spare desk and sat down, pulling out my phone. My hands were shaking badly and I took slow breaths trying to calm myself. These anxiety attacks had only been getting worse. It went from one or two a month to one or two a week and eventually one or two a day. I didn't tell anyone though because that would be admitting that I was weak. Admitting that I couldn't fend for myself. I wasn't a kid. I could take care of myself. (No I couldn't), I knew I was lying to myself. My left hand tapped anxiously on my thigh my my right held my phone. The panic was growing rapidly, I couldn't stop thinking about how everyone around me was staring, judging, secretly laughing to each other me. I couldn't breathe. I need to breathe.

I grabbed my bag and left the hall. The professor hadn't arrived anyway and no one seemed to pay attention as I left. I ran down the hall to the bathrooms, shutting myself in the far stall. Can't breathe. Can't breathe, Can't breathe. I began to scroll through the contacts of my phone. I needed someone. Phil. Or, Dadza. That was his name in my contacts. I pressed on the name and onto our messages. My most recent message from Phil.

- Hey Son! First day of college today! Hope all goes well, if you need me don't hesitate to call!

Son. I loved it when Phil called me Son. It made me feel like I had a place, like I was loved. My parents didn't exactly...they weren't good parents. They didn't like me and they made that clear from day 1. Never had they called me, or treated me like, their son. It hurt a lot and I guess that's where a lot of my problems came from. As soon as Phil found out (only the minor details, I wasn't ready to tell him everything) he was furious with my parents. Still, he respected my wishes and didn't tell anyone or call my parents even though he REALLY wanted to yell at them. Instead, he showed me even more love an attention than he normally would, checking in on me most days and making sure I was looking after myself. Before I even realised I had done it, I had pressed the call button.

Ring Ring.

Ring Ring.

Ri- 

"Hello?" 

Phil answered the call. 

"H-Hey." I responded quietly. Phil immediately knew that something was wrong.

"What's up kiddo? Aren't you in college by now?" 

"Y-Yeah I am. I just..." 

"You getting nervous?" He said softly.

Phil knew I had anxiety, just didn't know how bad it was.

"Tommy?" 

I couldn't breathe.

"Son? Breathe. You're okay, I'm here." 

"I-I can't." I mumbled. 

"Yes you can Tommy. Listen to me. I love you okay, I'm right here and I'll stay here for as long as you need. Just focus on my voice, nothing else. You don't even need to listen to the words, just my voice. I'm right here Tommy. You're going to be okay." 

I did as he told me to, listening to his voice and trying to breathe.

"Remember, in for 4, hold for 4, out for 4, hold for 4 and repeat."

1...2...3...4. Come on. Get a grip Tommy. Slowly but surely, my breathing began to even out.

"There you go kid. Easy does it." Phil whispered, "How you feeling?" 

"I'm tired." 

"Yeah, buddy I know. You still feel up for today?" 

"I-I'll be fine, Phil, sorry for bothering you." 

"No, no. You're never a bother, Tommy!" 

"I'm gonna try and get to class, if I go now I won't be late." 

"Okay, good luck, not that you'll need it. I want you to call me at lunch, okay?" 

I smiled, "Yeah, I will. Thank you." 

"Of course Tommy it's no problem!" 

I knew that no matter how bad my day was, Phil would always care. Someone really cared.

Oof now I feel lonely :(((

 900 words

 love you guys!!!!

 - Ace O :))