TW: this chapter kinda implies that Jamie's depressed without at actually saying it +suicidal thoughts & sh thoughts
A/n: counterfeit is still a thing in this book🫶🏻
it's been 2 and a half months since the whole car accident thing with Sam happened and his wrist was obviously fine now.
Me and Jamie were doing amazing and I moved in with him. God he was so perfect.
Currently we were at a hotel though because they had a world tour thing going on and I obviously wasn't gonna stay home.
Time skip:
Jamie was gone cause they had to set up before playing and I was at the hotel reading. I was gonna go and see them later on though.
A few minutes later I checked the time, god I wish I went to sleep earlier today I'm so fucking tired. If they are playing already they probably just started I can take a quick nap Jamie told me to stay home and sleep anyway.
10 minutes turned into the whole night fuck.
Jamie's POV:
We played and then signed a few autographs now we were going back.
"I'm hungry"
Sam complained
I never said anything and everyone else just said they were to. Honestly I wasn't hungry at all I felt like even the sight of food would make me throw up right now.
"Can we get something to eat"
He asked
They all agreed and started arguing about a place to go.
Finally they picked a placed that I've never even fucking heard of.
I felt myself starting to zone out. I don't know why but I've been feeling horrible the past few months. I'm so fucking over everything. I don't know if I can fully say I enjoy doing this whole music thing anymore I just feel exhausted all the time, I'd be lying if I said I haven't thought about ending it all a few times a week. By that I mean killing myself, I mean fuck it. But I never do. I always end up feeling selfish. Not only do I have everything everyone would die for, fame, money, a amazing girlfriend, but there's so many people I'd be letting down. I was like this years ago but I got better. Now it's all coming back. God I'm so fucked.
"That good with you"
Sam pulled me out of my trance.
I never heard one word before that, I have no idea what he's talking about.
"You okay?"
He asked
"Uh.. yeah yeah what we're you saying"
"Do you wanna eat there?"
Sam asked again
"Umm no I'm not really hungry right now just go without me"
"You sure"
"Yes."
I said kinda rudely and immediately kicked myself for. Fuck why was I like this I didn't mean to be a bitch about it, I have no reason to be a bitch right now.
"Okay geez"
Sam said
God I hate myself right now.
Time skip:
I was finally back at the hotel, the whole way here I was so pissed at myself. There was only one thing on my mind right. Cutting myself.
Lately that's been on my mind a lot, it's gotten bad again. Nobody knows though, I haven't talked about it and I've just been wearing hoodies to hide all the cuts.
Fuck the feeling of it. The way it stings, the heat of my blood as it drips down my arm. The whole world goes silent for a while. Then when I'm cleaning it and it stings again everything shuts up, that is if I actually clean it. Sometimes I just don't give a fuck about it, who cares if I bleed out and die..that's what I want. But then, once all the stinging and pain goes away I feel guilty. I think of y/n and Sam, imagine if they had to walk in and see me like this right now.
I reached my room and opened the door. All those thoughts went away for a while once I saw her.
She was sleep on the bed. God she's so beautiful I really do love her, I can't do this to her. I lay down and tried to go to sleep, obviously changing first.
I couldn't sleep.
I ended up being awake all night staring at the wall wanting to cry. I wanted to cut so bad I felt like I was going crazy. But at some point y/n ended up clinging to me, her head on my chest. I didn't want to get up and wake her so I didn't, I just went crazy.
the next morning:
I don't know what time it is, all I know is that the sun rose hours ago. I don't think I slept at all last night. Jesus I'm gonna be tired tonight.
A little while later y/n woke up. She smiled at me and kissed my check.
"Morning"
She happily said I just smiled back.
We stayed in bed for a while until I remembered that we had a qna thingy today. Fuck.
I got up and got ready.
Once I got to the place everyone was already there.
"Where tf we're you?"
Sam asked
"I forgot."
"How the fuck did you forget!"
Jimmy said
"Jesus I was tired okay"
I snapped
"Well come on we gotta go"
Sam said.
Out there was a bunch of people screaming for us. God they were loud.
Then the questions started.
Hours of questions.
Some people even crossing the line kinda making me uncomfortable honestly.
Time skip.
Jesus it's finally over.
Everyone was getting ready to leave when I felt someone pull me aside
"Jesus Sam what the fuck"
I said
We were now in some room where no one else was.
"So you gonna tell me what's wrong with you"
Sam asked.
Fuck
"What do you mean?"
"Well you look like you haven't slept, you forgot about this and you just seem off lately."
"I'm fine"
"I don't believe you"
"I wasn't asking you to"
"You better be better by tonight we're going on."
"I know."
"Oh sorry I thought you'd forget."
He said sarcastically before leaving.
If anyone heard that they'd think it was rude, but it's not we just kinda talk like that.
A/n: this shits gonna start getting sad also the second half isn't edited.
I might start writing another story I'll still be regularly updating this and the one shots tho
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best friends brother || Jamie Campbell bower
FanfictionY/n had been friends with Sam bower ever since they met in college. At first she just thought it was cool that his brother was her celebrity crush Jaime fucking Campbell bower, but Sam was cool, and funny. You also had things in common which made yo...
