The Knowledge of the Hidden

Chapter 8

The land beyond the outskirts is filled with trees and rocks, with a small river that runs along the side of our path. I want to ask Josh if we'll be following it, trying to acclimate myself in some way to my surroundings, but we are running so fast that I can't gather the breath. It soon becomes clear that I can't continue at this pace, I just sprinted over a mile through town after all, and Josh slows so that I can catch my breath. His eyes are darting around nervously though, and I know he's not comfortable with letting up at all.

"I'm okay," I tell him. "Let's keep going." But he just shakes his head. I'm practically doubled over in pain from my side and my breath is coming in short, shallow gasps. We stand for a moment, when suddenly the familiar siren of the patrols fills the air. I feel my stomach drop at the sound. They will be here any second, and we are standing out in the open, thanks to me.

"Come on." Josh grabs my hand and pulls me to the side, dropping to his knees to crawl under a small rock formation. He motions for me to follow and I do without question, despite it being so shallow that I have to lay on top of him for us both to fit. I try to slow my breathing and try to stay quiet as the patrols approach but my heartbeat is so loud I fear it'll give us both away.

The sirens get closer and closer. I squeeze my eyes shut and bite my lip so hard that my mouth fills with the taste of blood. Just when I feel they must be right on top of us, unable to get any closer, they start to fade into the distance. I take my first deep breath since we've been outside the limits.

I start to move from our cramped position, pressing my arm to the ground to lift me up, but Josh grabs my arm. "Wait," he says. "Just wait." I nod but don't relax my stance, aware for the first time of the intimate way our bodies are pressed together. I try to focus on my breathing, filling my lungs with air again and again, but I can't shake the hyperawareness of our closeness. When I find my heart speeding up again, I tell myself it's because I'm claustrophobic, though I've never considered myself to be before.

After several uncomfortable minutes, I hear the quiet whirr of the machines passing back over us, heading for the city. Josh releases my arm and I practically roll away from him, jumping to my feet the second I can stand. Josh crawls out behind me and dusts himself off, keeping his eyes averted from mine as we readjust ourselves.

"Ready to move on?" he asks without meeting my gaze. I nod.

We walk in silence for several minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. I glance around the area, relieved to find that we are still trekking along the river. If I did need to get back, at least I could find my way. Go back. The thought hits me hard as I suddenly realize what it means. I can't go back. I can't ever go back.

I feel a sudden rush of nausea and I'm glad I had the sense not to eat breakfast this morning. I try to push away the thoughts of home, and when that doesn't work, I try reminding myself of how miserable it was. Forced marriage, never ending surveillance, being under the constant critical eyes of everyone around me—but my thoughts keep drifting back to Luke.

"Hey," Josh says quietly, "are you alright?" I suddenly realize that I've slowed down significantly, and my hands are clenched in tight fists at my sides.

"Yeah," I say, though we both know it's a lie. I force my hands to open and try to match my steps to a normal pace. I can hardly remember what "normal" anything feels like though, and I only end up walking more erratically than before.

Josh is still watching me, his eyes following my every movement as if he's concerned I'll suddenly break. I know he is simply worried about me, but his gaze makes me feel trapped.

"Stop looking at me like that," I say more sharply than I mean to.

"Looking at you like what?" Josh asks.