The Knowledge of the Hidden

Chapter 13

I try to sleep, but despite the hour, it just won't come. Instead, I find myself lying in the shelter with my eyes open, replaying the night's events again and again. When I can't stand it anymore, I dress quietly and slip outside, feeling the chill of the breeze on my face.

I make my way robotically down to the training field, not sure why I'm there until I reach it. Without thinking, I grab one of arrowheads from the pile of weapons and turn it over in my hand. It's smooth and sharp, clearly carved by magic, and (like the other weapons) seems so at odds with the rest of the landscape.

Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and set it on the ground in front of me, my heart speeding up with every movement. I focus with all my might, thinking of nothing but the arrowhead. I imagine it catching fire, flying into a tree, snapping in half at my feet. I am focusing so hard, I can feel all my muscles tensing, my nails digging into my palms until sharp pain brings me to my senses. Slowly, I open my eyes, staring intensely at the arrowhead. Nothing has changed, and suddenly I know it never will.

I glare at the arrowhead, not wanting to believe it's true, that there's no chance that I could belong here. I raise my hand, trying different gestures in front of me, begging something to happen.

Move. I think desperately. Catch fire. Explode. Just do something.

Seconds pass, then minutes, the sun begins to rise over the horizon. I begin to hear noise from camp, people getting up, moving toward breakfast. The arrowhead remains motionless.

I take off running from the spot, blinded by tears that are gathering in my eyes. I cut by the edge of camp, thinking no one would be there, and crash headfirst into Josh seconds later.

"Watch it!" I yell, falling to the ground from the impact. Josh looks at me, also on the ground.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?" he asks, then he catches sight of my face. "Lilly?"

I'm up and running again before the questions can start, sprinting for the hills the way I have in the past. I know he'll follow me, but I don't care. I drop to my knees as soon as I reach the top, letting the tears fall.

Josh reaches the top a second later, tailed closely by Sienna who is looking at me like I've lost my mind.

"What's wrong with you?" she asks blatantly. I whip around, not bothering to wipe the tears from my face.

"What's wrong is that I don't belong here," I snap, leaping to my feet to face my friends head on. "I never belonged in Eximius, and I don't belong here. I'm not special, I'm not magic, and I don't even know my family. I'm a common. A reject. I knew that, and I tried to change it anyway. The system may be terrible but at least it tells you the truth. I'm nothing, and nothing can change that."

There is an awkward pause, I stare at my friends daring them to challenge me. Josh opens his mouth to speak but closes it again, not sure of what to say. More tears fall. There is more silence. Then Sienna rolls her eyes.

"Oh, get over yourself already, would ya?"

"Sienna!" Josh snaps at her.

"Well!" she protests. "This is exhausting! Listen, pampered, I liked you as soon as you got here. Not because you were special or extraordinary in some way, but because you had a purpose. I thought I understood you. But now you keep cryin' about what you can't do, and lemme tell you it doesn't look good on you. This self-serving, sob story? It's not you. You're more than that. Or...you were." And with that she turns and stomps off, leaving Josh and me awkwardly avoiding each other's eyes.

"She's wrong," I say, sitting down. Josh sits next to me.

"Of course she is. You're allowed to feel bad once in a while. It doesn't make you self-serving."