CAMBRIA

THIRTY-FIVE

Jackson's proposition never left her mind, but the answer did not become any clearer. She was at a standstill, stuck at a crossroads, conflicted between two opposing things. She was at the center of a tug-of-war match, Finn at one end, Jackson at the other, both of them tugging, pulling her in opposite directions. She needed to make a decision soon, or it would be her who would break.

She cursed the universe for its timing.

When she met Jackson, it felt like the stars had aligned, their fates colliding. Never before had she felt such a familiarity with someone. They were two halves of the same whole. But it had been the right thing at the wrong time. And so she waited. She waited for his relationship with Natalia to fizzle out, which it never did. And then Jackson was gone. And she met Finn. And their fates, it seemed, had also been destined. Going back three years, to that very night she met Jackson. Because if she had chosen Jackson rather than Theo, she never would've have found the ring that would eventually lead her to Finn. And invisible string, leading her to him, three years in the making.

And now, two hurricanes, both coming at her, on the verge of colliding with one another, a disaster on the horizon.

She had waited so long for a chance with Jackson, but at the same time, was falling in love with Finn. Was it possible to love two people at once? She wasn't sure. But she would soon find out.

Late one night, she sat curled up with the phone to her ear. She had divulged the entire situation to her parents, desperately seeking advice.

"You love Jackson?" her mother had said.
"Yes."
"But you see a future with Finn?"
"Yes."
"Seems like quite the dilemma."
"Tell me about it."
"What are the pros and cons of both?" her father said. "Weigh out your options."
Cambria thought about this. "Pros of Jackson... He's my best friend, my person. He understands me better than anyone. We have this inexplicable bond that I've never experienced with anyone else. I feel different with him. Our dynamic defies all laws, and it doesn't make sense, but it makes sense to me. But at the same time, my devotion to him makes me blind to his flaws, and trust me, there are a lot. Like his inability to talk about problems. Or express how he's feeling. He avoids all conflict, preferring to ignore them and pretend they don't exist. And he thinks he's always right. About everything. There's no discussion about it. And he's so confident that it makes him cocky, egotistical. He puts his pride and ego above all else, afraid to let his guard down and be vulnerable. It determines most of his decision making, which I personally think hinders him greatly. And he's entitled. He's been given whatever he wants for his entire life, and that's crafted him into someone who expects the world. He can be so cruel sometimes, and it's not fair to me. But I'm in love with him. And when you're in love with somebody, you'll forgive almost anything.
"And then there's Finn, who's a breath of fresh air. Never did I think it'd be possible to meet someone like him. He's so different than anyone I've ever met. He's charming and endearing. He has a kind and gentle soul. He wouldn't hurt a fly. He treats me like a queen. He has his life together, has a stable career, goals and ambitions. He wants to start a family someday. And when I told him that I wasn't sure if I want to have kids, he told me that that's okay, and that he'd still want to be with me, even if I didn't. Because he wants me for me, not for what I could potentially give him. He's selfless, and caring, and puts others before himself, constantly. I've never met anyone like him. And I can actually see a future with him."
"But..."
"But, he's not Jackson. And that's his only shortcoming."
"It's a difficult decision," her father told her. "But at the end of the day, I just want my daughter to be with someone who makes her happy."
"I don't need anyone to make me happy. I make myself happy."
"I know you do, sweetheart. And I know you'd be fine on your own. I guess what I'm trying to say here is, no one can make this decision except you. But if you're asking for my opinion, I'd say go with Jackson. I've seen how much his friendship has meant to you over the years, and I think you two could get past all this and find real happiness. And they always say, the best relationships start from friendships."
"Thanks, dad."
Her father said goodnight and headed to bed, but her mother stayed on the phone. "When I was your age, I found myself in a very similar situation."
"You did?"
"I was with someone I had known a long time. We had been best friends growing up, but nothing more. I always had a crush on him, but I never thought it was reciprocated. Once we turned eighteen, we both acknowledged those feelings and finally got together.
"It was a crazy whirlwind love, like something out of the movies. I always thought I'd marry him. But then he cheated on me. And it was one of the hardest things I ever went through. Not just the betrayal, but self-blame, as if it were somehow my fault. I couldn't understand it. And it did a lot of damage. But it was shortly after this that I met your father. And he was the light at the end of the tunnel. I saw so much potential with him. But I was conflicted, internally, because I still loved the other one. We had so much history together that I knew I'd never have with anyone else. And as much as he hurt me and broke my heart, I still wanted him. I believed he would always be the keeper of my heart." She paused for a moment. "What I'm trying to convey to you, Cambria, is that sometimes history isn't everything. And I know Jackson is your best friend, but we both know how he can be. And I fear that if you leave Finn and choose Jackson, he's going to blow it and destroy everything. And then you would have missed out on something wonderful, perhaps once in a lifetime."
"I had no idea about that. You never told me."
"It's not something I like to talk about it. And your father is very much aware of the situation. He doesn't have much of an opinion on the matter. He's just glad I made the right decision in the end and chose him. And so am I. Because it was the best decision I could have ever made. Choosing him. Having you and Lincoln. I have no regrets. And I don't want you to have any either."