CAMBRIA

THIRTY-SIX

The weeks progressed and Cambria was at a standstill. Contrary to what she had accused Jackson of, it was her who was having her cake and eating it too. Jackson and Finn, Finn and Jackson, and endless cycle, a decision unmade.

"Cambria has a new boyfriend," Jackson announced to his family while they were in the backyard, poolside.
"A boyfriend?" his father repeated, flabbergasted.
"Wait, are you two not dating?" Victoria asked.

The longer she took to make a decision, the more difficult Jackson made life for her. He began going out with other girls, blatantly rubbing it in her face. He'd show up to their favorite local spots, a new blonde each week. And Cambria couldn't stand it. If she thought their predicament was hard before, it became even harder now, seeing him with other people.

She wanted to die. Or kill him. Either one.

"I saw Jackson at Tap last night," Mara told her one morning. "He was with a girl."
"Again?"
"I'm not sure what's going on with you two. I thought he asked you to be with him."
"He did. But I don't know what to do. I can't decide."
"Don't get me wrong, Finn is a great guy. But he's no Jackson. You two are something else. We all thought you'd end up together."
Cambria didn't know how to respond.
"I know it's hard," Mara continued. "And I know you don't want to hurt Finn. He's been nothing but amazing to you. But he doesn't deserve to be caught in the middle of this love triangle. You need to break it off with him before things get more serious and he gets hurt."
"He'll get hurt either way. I see so much potential with him, that's why I can't bring myself to end it. I've never been so fucking conflicted about something in my entire life."
"Well you can't have both."
"I know. And Jackson's made that abundantly clear."
"How about instead of continuously trying to make each other miserable, you just be together?"
"It's not that simple. I feel like whatever decision I make, it's going to be the wrong one."

Unfortunately for Cambria, Jackson's plot to enrage her did not end there. Far from it. He was forcing her hand, trying to pressure her into making a decision. He continued seeing other girls, taking them on dates, bringing them home. Cambria was sick to her stomach. She cried herself to sleep, knowing that Jackson was with someone else, touching her. She wanted to murder any girl who came near him.

Never before had she felt so manic and irrational. She'd always thought herself to be a sane, sensible person (okay, perhaps that was a lie). But she'd never felt as crazy as she did when she envisioned Jackson with someone else.

That was it. Her decision was made. She couldn't take it anymore. When she really thought it through, she wanted so badly to continue things with Finn, but she just couldn't do it. Not with Jackson behaving the way he was. And so, she did one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do, which was end things for good with someone who was potentially her perfect match. Someone who fate had delivered personally to her doorstep.

She couldn't help but feel she was making a grave mistake. But she also knew it would be worth it in the end, to finally be with Jackson, to have him in the way she wanted, after all this time. Three years or three eternities, at long last.

Finn did not take the news well. He kept asking why, and what he could've done wrong. She tried to explain that it wasn't him, it was her. That's what they all say. But it was true. She didn't know how else to explain it.

She went home that night and cried, a gut-wrenching feeling deep in her stomach. She had broken his heart, but in the process, broke her own.

If there was any consolation to this great loss, it was Jackson – the light at the end of the tunnel.

Once she called him and informed him of the news, he came over right away. "You're sure it's done?" he asked her. "You're not lying to me?"
"Why would I lie?"
"Good." Then he kissed her. And took off all her clothes. And fucked her like he'd never fucked her before.

Afterwards, as they lay tangled up in each other, she said, "Now what?"
"What do you mean?"
"What happens now?"
He thought about the question. "I don't know."

She didn't hear from him for days after that. She wasn't sure what she expected, but it wasn't this. Surely they should be... celebrating? Basking in each other's presence? Being together?

On the fourth day of not hearing from him, she showed up at his house. He seemed surprised to see her, then offered her a beer. They sat out in the backyard.

They sat in silence, Jackson drinking his beer, staring out at the sky. Cambria wasn't sure what to say. "Jackson?"
"Cambria."
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's happening? With us? I broke up with Finn for you."
"Okay."
"So, now what?"
"I don't know what you want me to say."
It was then, finally, that she realized the mistake she had made. "I thought you wanted to be with me."
"I don't think I'm ready for a relationship."
"You've got to be fucking kidding me."
"I'm not kidding."
She was speechless. Utterly speechless. "I don't understand. You said you wanted to be with me."
"I never said that."
"Yes you did. Are you actually insane?"
"It was your decision to break up with your boyfriend."
"BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TOO."
He shrugged cooly, took another drink. "I'll tell you one thing, Cambria, and it's this: we will never be anything more than friends."
"I can't believe you. This is unbelievable. I should've known better. I should've fucking known."
"Yeah, you should've."
"How can you be so heartless?"
"I'm not being heartless."
"Yes, you are. Is this payback? For me getting a boyfriend?"
"I couldn't care less."
"You're fucked. There's something seriously wrong with you."
"Maybe. But there's also something wrong with you."
"I don't understand."
"You keep saying that."
"Do you not care? At all?"
"Do you not care? You cheated on your boyfriend."
"You cheated on your girlfriend."
"I don't think you guys would've lasted anyways."
"Without your intervention I think we would have."
"Well, we'll never know now, will we?"
She stared at him. "This is unforgivable. I will never forgive you for this."
"You think I care?"
"Yeah, actually. I think you do. And you want to know the worst part? You will never have a connection with anyone like you do with me. Try as you might, nothing will compare to what you had with me. And guess what? You just blew it. I never want to see you again."
"I'm sure you'll change your mind. You always do."
"Not this time, Jackson. I'm done for good."