Smoke and Mirrors (DE)

56. Lie once, lie twice

Richard slowly slid a tiny worn photo across the table to Grace— a photo of him holding her as a fresh newborn. There were creases down the middle as if it had been folded a few times and the edges were fuzzy as the layers of photo paper were beginning to separate. It was the photo that he'd had in his wallet the day he died— the one given back to him on intake, the one he kept for the past almost thirty years glued to his cell mirror with a dabs of commissary toothpaste.

Grace swallowed hard, her eyes puffy as she looked at the photo recognizing herself and now recognizing the man holding her proudly to be the same man she'd been seeing every day for the past couple months. Grace and Richard sat alone at the dining room table of her home in silence, an awkward silence blanketing the both of them.

In the matter of a month since getting married, her world had come crashing down around her once again— way too quickly for her to comprehend. She felt betrayed by everyone— confused, alone, angry, hurt. Grace hadn't spoken a word in days because she didn't know what to say.

" When you were born was the best day of my life," Richard said after a moment as she stared at the photo. " And having to leave you was the worst,"

Grace chewed on the inside of her cheek, her head pounding. She was drained immensely both physically and emotionally and was having feelings of just wanting to give up.

" You will never know just how much I love you Grace— you're of my flesh and blood,"

Grace continued to stare at the photo quietly.

" If I knew back then that things would be this way I would've never made the decision I did— I would've never did nothing I did," Richard confessed. "I thought I was making the best decision for you and your mother at the time. He said. " Your mom and I didn't come from this shit— these big ass houses you been living in your whole life. Your mama was the smart one, I ain't have the opportunity to go to no big school— hustling was my only option, that's all I knew how to do, that's what I was good at,"

" You wasn't in the plans Grace because we was livin too fast, but that's not to say we didn't want you— I just told you you were the best thing to ever happen to us," Richard paused, trying to find the correct words. " But if it were up to me I wouldn't have brought you up in this shit— this isn't the life you raise a child in. I knew I wanted more for you the minute I found out about you, but at the time I thought more for you was more money, nicer clothes, jewels— being able to buy you a fuckin horse if you asked for it. I didn't want you to ever know what it feels like to struggle,"

" I wanted you to be that little girl that would say don't worry, my daddy will do it for me. I wanted ever other little girl to envy you— and I wanted every nigga that tried to mess wit you to feel like they would never be good enough because I had already given you the best of the best," He said with a small chuckle.

Grace finally looked up at Rich with the same hazel eyes she'd inherited from him— watery and red as he stared back her with a solemn expression. He practically felt as if he were going to have a heart attack because his heart was beating so quickly. Richard had never been able to be Graces dad, he'd grown comfortable living with the guise of Rico.

" Don't be mad at Joseph or your mom—,"

" Why shouldn't I?" Grace finally spoke, her tone defensive. " They lied to me, you did too— all of you lied,"

" Because it wasn't their place to tell you Grace, it is mine," Richard said sternly. " Joseph found me on accident, he didn't know who I was. He knew just as much as you did. We was locked up together, you were all he used to talk about and it wasn't until one day he showed me a photo that I realized he was talking about my Grace— my baby girl. The DA promised to keep tabs on y'all for me but they lied. For all I know y'all could've been dead. I probably wouldn't have even recognized you if it weren't for your eyes— those are my eyes, you got those from me,"