Heterochromic Haze

39 - I ____ you

I stand on the yellow lines, my fingers clenching together almost painfully as I watch the tunnel at the far end of the station.

I go to take another step forwards when Grey's arm snakes around mine, tugging me back.

"Behind the lines, Ledger." He reminds and I roll my eyes.

"Yes, mum." I snap, feeling bad about it as soon as I say it.

Grey, as usual, has borne my foul mood with nothing but grace and a charming smile. Still, he doesn't deserve it. But I can't help it. I pace back and forth instead, unable to keep still for even a moment.

I glance down at the scrap of paper in my hand, reading my own haphazard scrawl for the thousandth time. He said he'd be on this train. Today.

My heart hammers in my throat as I look up again, desperate to see him. It's like I dreamt him, like he was never with me at all and I fight the dream like haze as hard as I can. He is coming. He has to.

"What if he's not here? What if he doesn't come?" I ask suddenly, turning to Grey. The words tumble out of my mouth without my permission, my very worst nightmares becoming a vivid reality.

He looks at me sympathetically and I suck my teeth, looking away.

"Ledger, he will come. He will be here." He says, his voice steady and sure. No hesitance or sympathy this time and it does it's job. It soothes me. Why hasn't he texted?

I glance at my phone again, so horribly empty despite it's overwhelming potential and connection to the world around me. I rake my hand through my hair as I tuck it away, watching my paint stained boots miserably.

I don't want to doubt him, but I also don't want to be the fool waiting at the train station just hoping that the love of his life will come back to him. But here I am, nonetheless.

"I'm a mess." I say with a groan and Grey nods, sipping his coffee.

"What's new?" He asks and I glare at him.

He smiles playfully and I roll my eyes.

"I asked him to meet me at my flat. Why am I waiting here?" I ask, the anticipation burning a hole right through my stomach. I can feel it. I'm giving myself an ulcer as we speak.

"You were tearing your flat apart. You had already changed your outfit four times and you kept making bad coffee. Plus, this will be a nice surprise." Grey says, but he's eyeing the train tracks warily, as if I might suddenly snap and leap onto them in any given moment.

I go to argue, as I always seem to, when a low rumble distracts me.

The shining headlights of the train grow bigger and bigger until they're blinding, a gust of wind rearranging everyone on the platform as the train surges towards us.

The nerves in my stomach twist violently, my eyes flickering at a million miles per hour as I desperately try and see something. Anything.

I exhale shakily, my hands raking through my hair again.

"He's not going to be there." I mutter, shaking my head.

Dread courses through me, the recollection of how much my heart has hurt and how lonely I've been coming to bite me in the present.

But Grey finds me in amidst my turmoil and clasps my hand. He gives it a firm squeeze, lingering for just a second, but it's enough. It's enough to drag me back down to Earth. I smile at him softly, his hand leaving mine as I begin to search the sea of people leaving the train.

My senses are highly strung, my brain hurting from the overwhelming stimuli of it all but I keep searching.

The longer I look, the more my heart sinks though, and I'm about to give up and reconsider the train tracks when I see a tall figure step down, his hands extending to an elderly lady as she fumbles her way off the train.

I watch as he guides her onto the platform safely before manoeuvring both his own bag and hers with ease.

His hair is perfect. Chocolate brown and shining in his elegantly swept back style that I just want to claw through. He's wearing his dark blue Levi's and a crisp white shirt, looking good enough to eat and I know, even from here, that his eyes are shining.

I exhale shakily, the smile that crawls onto my face nothing short of devoted.

I watch Everett chat with the elderly lady, walking along the platform without a care in the world. Eventually she signals for him to stop and he hands over her bag. I watch in amusement as she holds his hand in hers, a big, wrinkly smile on her face.

My stare must be a little heavier than I know, or perhaps Everett is used to the sensation after all this time, but he looks up quickly and meets my eyes.

My heart stutters in my chest at the wide, boyish smile that inches across his face.

"Go." Grey says quietly and I jolt. Shame burns through me as I realise I had sort of forgotten he was here.

"But-..."

Grey smiles, shaking his head.

"Go. I'll see you later." He says, inclining his head.

He waves at Everett, who waves back, before walking out of the station.

I turn back to Everett, walking towards him feeling almost shy. It's an absurd feeling, but all of this feels absurd. He's here, with me. I feel as though I could fly. As soon as he's close enough, Everett drops his bag and winds his arms around me, our bodies sinking together as his scent washes over me in a sudden, memory filled tidal wave.

There are a hundred different things I want to say, but only two that matter.

In the battle between I love you and I miss you, who wins? Both of them are beautiful beyond reason, and simultaneously heartbreaking in the simplest of ways. In the end, Everett decides for me.

"I missed you." He murmurs, and I sigh at the feel of his lips pressing against my neck. My arms tighten around him, moulding to the shape of his body.

"I missed you too." I say.

He pulls away, leaning his forehead against mine.

"I love you." I say, my voice suddenly serious as his mismatched eyes watch mine.

He grins like a madman.

"I love you too." He parrots back.

I cup his cheek with my hand, tracing his beautiful features as I weave my other hand through his hair. He doesn't seem to mind.

"You're here." I mumble and he nods.

"I'm here." He confirms, pressing his lips against mine.

It's short and so sweet, and I pout when he pulls away.

"Should we get going?" Everett asks, his voice a little strained.

At my frown he draws me closer, his hand wrapped around my lower back as he presses his groin against my hip.

I inhale sharply, glancing down before meeting his eyes.

"You perverted fucker. In front of the little old lady." I say, shaking my head with a tut. I grin when his eyes narrow.

"I'll give you perverted fucker." He grumbles, pressing his hips into me further.

I swallow harshly, suddenly aware of just how much I've missed Everett.

"Don't make promises you can't keep." I taunt, grabbing his arse and squeezing.

He grins, pressing his lips against mine once more and I sigh happily. This, this easy, comforting, exciting connection that we share, that never seems to fade or die. We fall into it time and time again and I know I'll never tire of it, of him. Finally we're back where we belong; together, and if I have anything to do with it, that's how we'll stay.

I don't waste another moment, bending down, somewhat awkwardly, to grab his bag. I sling it over my shoulder and grab his hand with my other, interlinking our fingers.

"Let's go home."