thirty-eight

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< April >
< Friday 5, 2019>

{ Ashton }

We've been home with Cason for about a week now. He's still scared but that seems to be only at night. Our plan today is to get him back with the others. So, everyone is coming over today to hang out.

I woke up this morning and carefully got out of bed. I made sure Cason and Hannah were covered up before I headed out to the main area of the house.

The first thing I did was go into the kitchen and start a pot of coffee and made Hannah her iced coffee and put it in the fridge. After last night, coffee was going to be a savior this morning. Cason cried for three hours last night as we tried to get him to sleep. Nothing seemed to work. We ended up giving him Benedryl to knock him out- bad parenting I know.

Once he was asleep, Hannah sat in my lap and just cried out of sadness for him. It's hard to see your kid go through this.

I began to make breakfast and answered a few texts from the boys. When I was about done, arms snaked around my waist and a face tucked between my shoulderblades,

"Good morning baby" I smiled, although she couldn't see me,

"Good morning" she mumbled back, squeezing my waist a little and peppered kisses on my skin,

"I have your coffee in the fridge and breakfast is almost done. I made enough for you and I, then when Cas gets up I'll make him whatever he wants" I told her. She nodded and slowly retracted from me but never moved, making me turn to look,

"Kiss?"

I smiled and leaned down, kissing her lips slowly and softly.

When we pulled away she smiled and headed towards the fridge, pulling the iced coffee I made for her out and sitting at the table. I put breakfast on plates and grabbed my coffee and joined her, sliding her plate to her,

"Was he still asleep?" I asked. Hannah nodded and sighed,

"I hate that we gave him Benedryl to make him sleep, but we needed to do something," she told me,

"What if we tried children's melatonin?" I asked, "We need to order groceries anyway so I can just add it on"

"It doesn't hurt to try" she nodded and kept eating, wanting to drop the conversation at this time.

Once we finished up, I did dishes and then joined Hannah on the couch where she immediately cuddled into my side. As she let out a big breath, I pulled her closer and rested my head on hers,

"Why did that have to happen to him?" she whispered out, "Out of everyone, why him?"

I could tell she was choking up so I quickly pulled her into my lap,

"I don't know why he was chosen, I don't" I sighed, "But we can't change it all now. I wish we could. Now, we just be there because he needs us"

She nodded against me,

"I'm sorry you got dragged into my family mess. Must be why Zach said I was unlovable. My family makes me unlovable" she apologized, making me sit up straight,

"You didn't drag me into anything baby. Your family has nothing to do with what I feel for you. I love you. I've loved you since that blind date we went on. I don't love you because of your family. I love you because of you. Your family doesn't define you"

And that's what it took for her to start crying in my shoulder. I held her close, making sure she knew I was there and that she is loved.

Hannah's crying stopped just as fast as it started when she heard Cason coming. As soon as he came around the corner, you could see the relief wash over him that we were here and didn't leave him.

Cason walked to the couch and climbed up, getting good morning kisses from both me and his mom,

"You hungry bub?" I asked and he nodded, "Why don't you and Mommy cuddle and I'll make you some breakfast?"

He nodded and Hannah moved off of me and cuddled her baby boy,

"Daddy?" Cason's voice barely spoke, "Pancake?"

"I'll make you a pancake"

****

All our friends came over and Cason was attached to my leg. He was nervous and that was expected. Nobody pressured him and nobody got too close, allowing him to come to them at his pace.

While Hannah and the girls sat up on the couches, the boys and I were sitting on the floor with Cason. He dragged a bunch of different trucks and airplanes out and we were all playing with him, warming him up. He was definitely slowly coming out of that shell.

We ended up eating some lunch then settled to all watch a movie- Spiderman per Cason's request. He sat on my lap as Hannah sat against my side. About halfway through, Cason got up and walked over to Grace and Calum. All eyes were on him,

"I sit too?" he asked them,

"Of course, buddy" Grace grinned as she and Calum made space and helped him sit next to them. Hannah looked up at me and smiled,

"That's progress" she whispered,

"I think he's going to be fine with people, but sleep not" I whispered back,

"He was taken when he was sleeping so I'm sure that's true" she nodded, "Can you come with me?"

I nodded and we got up without Cason noticing and walked to my- well now our- room. Hannah's arms went around me immediately, making mine do the same,

"Thank you" she spoke, looking up at me, "Thank you for everything"

"Of course baby" I smiled, not entirely sure what she was thanking me for,

"Thank you for being there for both me and Cason. Thank you for loving Cason like your own. Thank you for putting up with all this stupid shit. Thank you for being the best dad. And thank you for loving me. I don't deserve all you do"

"Baby, you deserve the whole fucking world," I told her, "As I told you earlier, I will always love you, no matter what. I will always love Cason, no matter what. You and he are my whole world, and that will never ever change. And soon, I'll confirm that to you when I slide a ring on your finger"

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