His purpose (you die, I die)

Chapter forty-eight

One day.

We're leaving tomorrow for the so-called Romero cabin.
This is going to be the first ever Christmas I celebrate with someone else other than myself or Amalie and I don't think I know what to feel.
Happy, excited, nervous.

In these past few months Xander has become my family, he's shown me more love and care than anyone I've ever lived with after what happened to my parents.
He's messed up here and there, but nothing takes away how loved he's been able to make me feel.

Tomorrow I'll be celebrating the rest of the week with the closest thing he has to family, and I want it to be perfect, I've also done everything I can to hide what I bought him as a present.

"What are you doing?"

I jump and collide with the floor right next to our bed.
Have I mentioned that I also suck at hiding gifts? I'm literally the worst person to keep things under check, I get so excited and want to blabber out right away and when we combine that with the fact that I couldn't be less obvious it really doesn't help.

"Noooothing" I drag out as I push the box under the bed before he has the chance to see it.

We haven't really discussed gifts, or if we were going to buy each other things or not, I'm not even sure if he's gonna give me anything but it doesn't really matter because I'm doing this purely out of will and not because I feel obligated.

"Come here" He says lifting me up from the floor and throwing me at the bed, "ouch."
A chuckle escapes his lips, "What were you doing, angel?"
I turn my face around as I shyly smile. "That's a secret I'll never tell"

He nods slowly, almost making me believe that he for once gave in until his hands slowly creep up and start tickling me, "stop it Xander!" I shout while unwillingly laughing at the way his fingers are moving around my body, "Stop!"
I hate getting tickled, he knows how much I hate it and uses it whenever he wants me to cave, "tell me what you were doing, and I'll stop"

Call it reflex but my knee found its way up and suddenly he rolled off groaning,
"I'm sorry!" I laughed while giving him kisses all over his face, he tells me he hates when I do that because it makes him feel like a baby, but I know that he secretly loves it, he loves being taken care of and babied, he'll just never admit it.

"Not good enough" He says, grabbing my waist and placing me in his lap, "are you trying to kill the best part of me?!"
I roll my eyes at the way he doesn't even try to hide his ego. "No, I'm not. Surprisingly enough I do want to see evil mini Xander's running around one day"

His smile falters, making me rethink my choice of words.
Was it too early for baby jokes? I mean I'm way too young to have a baby right now but one day in the future I'd love to, and we're already practically living together so I didn't think a joke would ruin the mood.

"Is everything okay?" I ask, snapping him out of his thoughts.
Me and Xander have talked a lot, about us and our relationship.
How we both struggle with a lot of things, communication being the worst of them and therefore we decided that whenever one of us is thinking about something or feels bothered, we have to communicate.

We also decided that three is always going to be our safe word, although its mostly when we're doing stuff... it's also whenever we're hurt or whenever we want something to stop.
I'm not entirely sure why Xander chose that number but since I always found counting to three helped me, it fit perfectly.

Xander cupped my cheeks and gave me a peck on the lips,
"I love you a lot, and sometimes it fucking hurts but I'd rather live in pain than not feel that love at all."

Although I'm confused on why he would say that right now, I smile and kiss him as I feel my heart flutter at his words. His hands start working their way to the buttons on my jeans, but I grab them before he can proceed, "I think I should start on the pill"