Faking It • Queen FanFiction

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 9

"So what's your issue with romance?" Roger asked completely out of the blue once all the exceptionally delicious Chinese food had been consumed and the end credits of the film were rolling. The summer sky was beginning to dull, the sunset cast a gorgeous golden glow into the room.

"What?" Confusion and hurt lined Bernie's voice. That was a question she'd never been asked by anybody before, let alone a guy. Where had that question even come from? What a dick. "I don't have an issue with romance!"

"Okay, okay, keep your hair on. It was just an observation." He threw his arms up to his sides. However, she was reluctant to let his comment go that easily. This is why she despised him, he was a hopeless flirt and thought he knew everything.

"Well, expand," crossing her arms and putting one leg over the other, Bernie waited for him to explain himself. She wasn't going to let it slide that easily, she was a woman of answers. But before he could say anything, Roger shifted closer to her on the sofa and placed a gentle hand on her cheek, to which she responded by grabbing his wrist firmly and shoving his entire arm back in his direction, before crossing her arms tighter. Closing herself off from any prospect of physical contact.

"See, that's my point!" He waved a hand over the way she was sitting, almost folded in on herself, making herself a barrier between him and her.

"What?"

"I instigate casual physical contact, and you shy away."

"No Roger, I think you'll find that's just the effect you have on me. You see, I'm generally repulsed by having people like you in my home." Ouch. Getting up from the sofa and away from him, she grabbed the dishes, taking them to the kitchen ready to be washed.

"I compliment you, you crush my voice in its tracks," it seemed that Roger was undeterred by her spiteful insult as he clambered up as well and followed her through to the kitchen, trailing her around like an irritating pet. He leant on the counter top and started reeling the list off on his fingers. "Let's see, what else... I try to make simple eye contact with you and you tilt your head away, as if looking at my eyes will transform you into a vampire or something. I initiate physical contact and I've never seen anybody move away from me quicker. So what is it?"

Much to her own surprise, Bernie milled over Roger's words for a moment and realised that every single one of them were true. And, although she could easily lie about it to him, she couldn't lie to herself that it wasn't just Roger: it was any guy she dared think about in a romantic way that made her feel uncomfortable. "Look," she swivelled round to face him, wet sponge in hand. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, acting as if you know me soooo well. There's nothing wrong with me, I don't have an issue with romance and you're getting on my chimes!" Every word that left her mouth became progressively louder and by the time she was done yelling, Roger looked extremely affronted.

"I never said there was anything wrong with you," he backtracked, seeing the shine of tears congealing around Bernie's eyes. Suddenly, she looked rather droopy and down in the dumps, so he stepped forwards and stretched his arms out to give her a comforting hug. However, Bernie, reminding herself of her pride, stood up straight and shook her head at him aggressively, turning back around to do the dishes. Hatred for his very existence overwhelmed her. Who the hell did he think he was, coming into her home and then listing her flaws as if trying to diagnose her with something or other?

"Maybe you should go. Thank you for the food."

Confusion waved over Roger: he understood that maybe he'd pushed her limits a bit too far, but now she was kicking him out? "Okay Bernie, if that's what you want." And he made his way towards the door without another word. She didn't follow him to give him a proper goodbye, nor did she even say the word 'bye', just carried on scrubbing at the dirty plates as if he wasn't there.

Once outside, Roger made no effort to make noise outside Holden's flat. Perhaps he'd think that Bernie's "boyfriend" was staying the night. Throughout the drive home, Roger gripped the wheel tightly, pushing his sunglasses onto his face powerfully, even though the sunset was behind him. There was something more going on here, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it; starting by retracing her responses to his questions.

On the other hand, Bernie's mind was overwhelmed with Roger's interrogation and couldn't get her own reactions out of her head. She had definitely lost her cool and lay in bed that night thinking about how he had genuinely shown some sort of emotion to her that wasn't the desire to have sex with her. Of course, there were elements of it embedded in there, but she noticed that his main concern was her. Him, of all people, show...tenderness? It was absurd to even think about, let alone have it actually happening. This whole thing was a mess.

The basis of her worry was that Roger had indeed sussed her out and she didn't want somebody like him to have such an insight into her personal life. Brian, sure, but Roger? Absolutely not. He wasn't even a sneaky kiss on the sly: he was a fake-date but actually-hate for the sake of protecting herself from her landlord.

"So what's your issue with romance?"
I got manipulated into believing he loved me, and I'm scared to do it again.

"I instigate physical contact, and you shy away."
Because I will never be clean after he touched me.

"I compliment you, you stop me in my tracks."
All I've ever known is that they are just his empty words.

"So what is it?"
I'm scared.
I'm scared.
I'm scared.

So many awful memories flooded into Bernie's brain and she almost couldn't handle it, she felt like her brain was going to explode. There was so much truth and vigour in her mental answers to Roger's questions, answers she could never share with anybody, ever. Not Brian, not Flo and most definitely not Roger. Not in a billion years. Not even if someone paid her ten million pounds.

𝐴𝑢𝑡ℎ𝑜𝑟'𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡𝑒:
𝐻𝑒𝑙𝑙𝑜 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠, 𝐼 𝑎𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑝𝑡𝑒𝑟 ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑓𝑓, 𝑠𝑜 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑒 𝑙𝑒𝑡 𝑚𝑒 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑏𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑎𝑑𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑒 𝑏𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑖𝑡𝑠 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑛𝑡. 𝑆𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑡 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 ☁️

11/10/22