Faking It • Queen FanFiction

Cʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ 70

"Birdie, about the other day..." Roger started almost a week later as they drove to the supermarket to pick up some necessities. Brian and Chrissie were coming round for dinner and the hosts realised that they had nothing to cook for their guests.

"What about it?" She snapped harsher than expected, still sensitive about the topic.

"Is there anything I can do for you? I mean, I was thinking-"

"Which never goes well."

"Shhhh," he chuckled, "I was thinking that none of that must lay easy on you, so I'm offering out a helping hand if you need it."

"Wow, you, thinking of others? I'm amazed." Bernie gave him the side eye, but one filled with adoring humour. She wanted to keep the tone as light as possible, preferring not to walk around Asda in a depressed mood.

"Birdie, please-" the car stopped at a red light.

"Okay, fine. Two things. One, I never want to talk about this ever again, okay? Second, you're right, he's messed me up, but I don't want you to tell me there's nothing wrong with me. I want you to accept that there is, but that that's okay.... Green light."

A honk. Roger stole his eyes away from Bernie and hammered on the clutch, causing the car to jolt forwards then stall. The car behind only missed crashing into his little Alfa Romeo by a fraction of an inch. "Fuck!" He yelled, yanking the key round in the ignition and thundering his feet down on the pedals again, forcing the car straight into second gear as he accelerated in record time. "Fucking thing!"

"I don't think it's the car, it's the driver." Bernie shook her head, peering out of the window, unimpressed. A car could've crashed into them!

"Oi."

"Oi, what?" Her tone became agitated. Oi, what, indeed.

"Stop being so fucking gorgeous and distracting me when I'm driving."

She broke into a laugh, elated that they'd avoided an argument that she was sure was about to happen. "Sorry, can't help it. Anyway. What do you say?"

"Urrr...sorry?" Roger guessed blindly.

"No, not to that, to the previous conversation. But good to know where it's at."

Somehow, this tickled Roger and he couldn't stop a few breaths of laughter from rolling out. "Ooooh," he chuckled contagiously in realisation. Soon enough, Bernie was laughing lightly too, still awaiting an answer.

"Well?"

"Of course. I'll always support you. But the mention of that wanker's very presence brings us bad luck, so can we stop talking about him?"

"I thought you'd never ask. Thank you, Meddows," she tilted her head and put it on his shoulder momentarily, reaching her hand out and squeezing his thigh as she always did to him when he was driving. Except she'd made sure to put her hand quite high up his leg.

"Oh, not now, you know I-" he tried to protest, but was left disappointed when she took her hand away. "What was that for?"

"I thought you didn't want my hand there?"

"Oh- you...fucking- tease," he tutted, his thigh feeling cold as he negotiated his way around the roundabout. "Come on, let's just find a parking spot and buy some shit." Roger hated shopping with a passion.

"Now, nothing with meat in it, lest that lanky fuck keel over from posh-person syndrome." Complaining his way around the aisles, he skimmed past the meat section, guiding the trolley, that Bernie refused to push, down the pasta aisle.

"He's not posh, he just has morals. I'm vegetarian too, you know."

"What. The fuck. Remind me why I'm dating you again?" He spluttered, finding it utterly cryptic how people could live without meat.

"Because I'm funny, I keep you in line, you don't want to live alone, I stick around for a bit too long, you can't break up with me because otherwise Brian will be angry at you, and I'm super sexy, obviously," bouncing around the asiles, selecting certain pasta types from the shelves, she sing-songed her answer.

"All very good points. Especially the last one," he whispered in her ear lowly, giving it a discreet kiss before replacing the pasta she'd chosen out with a cheaper version of it. "It's the same shape, what's the difference!" He shrugged, putting his hands up when she gave him a judgemental glance.

Finally they were out of the shop, laden with three pounds worth of goods ready for Chrissie and Brian to come over. As fun as it was to watch Roger struggle with the oven knobs, she couldn't keep letting him and had to take over, murmuring about how incompetent he was. "Your incapabilities frighten me."

Despite how much Roger struggled with working basic cooking mechanisms, the meal him and Bernie pulled together was more than enough in quantity and quality. So much so that everybody went in for seconds, as there was enough to go around, even though they were already full. The wine Brian had brought round made the table of four rather giggly and overall the evening was a success. Their first dinner as two confirmed couples made everything even more real for Bernie and she was glad she could ease herself back into the world of dating without being too spooked or panicky.

"Anyone for cheesecake?" Bernie asked once the food had settled a bit and had been washed down with another glass of alcohol. Everybody groaned their acceptance, still too full but also adoring the sound of cheesecake.

"I'll come help you serve it up," Brian hopped up a little bit too fast and swayed on the spot, regaining his bearings, before tailing behind Bernie into the kitchen. The tiled worktops were clean and shiny, so it didn't matter too much when they both picked up the fallen cake crumbs and popped them into their mouths.

"You seem a lot happier here, Bernie. I never would have expected Roger to settle down, but I'm glad it was with you. I'm sorry I got so angry back at Rockfield."

"Ahhh, so that's why you followed me in here. You wanted to have a heart-to-heart. I get it." She crossed her arms and leant on the worktop, abandoning the cake for a moment. The alcohol bubbled in her stomach, but she was still sober enough to hold a serious conversation. "Bri, I really am happy here with Roger. And believe you me, nobody expected it to work out like this less than I. Remember when I despised him?"

"Bloody don't I. Reminds me of simpler times." Brian chuckled nostalgically and put down the knife. The cake was cut into eight slices, varying in shapes, sizes and neatness. Cheesecake crumbles congealed on the edges of the slices where the knife hadn't quite made a clean cut. "Ah, it'll do."

"But please, don't apologise. You didn't have the facts and for all you knew, your two best friends were screwing. Which we weren't, by the way. I mean, we still haven-" cutting herself off, she slapped her hands over her mouth. Perhaps the alcohol made her tongue a little looser, because that was a secret she didn't want to reveal.

"Just do it when you're ready, okay?" Much like a parent, Brian handed out advice by the handful and brought Bernie in for a brotherly hug. "And no matter how much anybody can love you, I'll always love you more." This he said more quietly so that only she could hear. Brian really did admire her more than she believed him to.

"Yeah, yeah, that's the drink talking. But I love you too, Brian. Now quit acting like a granny on her deathbed and help me bring these plates through."

"My word, I asked for a small sliver!" Chrissie's eyes widened at the cheese-mound she was presented with, not sure where to start first. "So much for a healthy diet. I'll start on Monday..."

29/4/23