MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE, GRACIE ABRAMS

024. rockland

imessage + instagram + irl!

Gracie finally arrived back in New York for what she hopes is the last time for a while. Though she loved tour, traveling for six months constantly back to back was torture. It was good to be back home again. She hadn't been since the shitshow that was her reunion with her friends. Back then she'd prayed she'd have a simple evening with her friends with no mention of Macy at all. But of course, the universe apparently loves to fuck with her. So unfortunately, it got brought up... leading to the three month spiral she's been in and a big fight between Nelle and Diana. She's been thinking a lot about that night over the past few months. She thankfully hadn't gotten any new information about Macy since then, but the thought of her being with someone else lingered in her mind. She tried during tour to.... get her mind off of it  so to speak, but no one really compared. Thus she was still alone moping around like an idiot. She'd tried talking about it with her therapist hoping to get back to all the progress she'd made a few months ago, back when Macy wasn't even a thought in her head. But unfortunately she only received bullshit like "the healing process isn't linear" and "healing isn't a task, it's a practice" like that's supposed to help her? It's stupid. But regardless she tried her best to move on and forget about a girl she dated almost a year ago. It was time to let go now. She had to let her go. But per usual,  it didn't seem like her heart got the fucking message. 

The second she stepped into her apartment she practically ran through the shower. Month's of living on a bus was not the great thing she thought it'd be. She'd never felt more rejuvenated than when she stepped out of the shower feeling like an entirely new person. Once she got dressed, she went to the kitchen and poured herself a steep glass of wine. Hey, she was home alone without a thing in the world to do. So why not get drunk and watch an entire season of Love is Blind? As the hours passed her by she poured herself glass after glass, not quite drunk but sufficiently tipsy, and that was when the worst idea in the history of ideas popped into her head. I should call her  Gracie thought to herself. She paused for a moment realizing how dumb that was. If she knew it was her there's no way she'd pick up. But...her voice...she just wanted to hear her voice so badly.  So she caved. She fucking caved, and dialed her number. She chewed her lip anxiously as the phone rang. She began to worry she may not pick up. How could she not? She wouldn't even know it was her. Just as Gracie began to hang up she heard the other line pick up. 

"Hello?" She asked. She sounded so sweet and cheerful. Even better than she remembered. Gracie's eyes glossed over and she didn't say a word. She covered her mouth and blinked a few times, attempting to push back the tears. 

"Hello?" She asked again. Gracie said nothing. "I swear to god Rina if this is you trying to prank call me again I will kill you" She laughed. Gracie could practically picture that smile on the other side. The way her eyes would squint, and her  nose would scrunch up in the most adorable way. God she missed her. She opened her mouth to speak but found she had nothing and everything to say. She didn't know what to do, so she just did nothing. 

"Hello? Rina come on I know it's-" Gracie hung up abruptly and slammed her phone down on the coffee table. Why is she like this. Why did she do that? Why does Macy sound so happy without her? She knows it's a good thing, and she wants her to be happy more than anything in the world. She just wished she could be apart of that happiness again. She wants to be a reason to make her smile, or laugh, or blush even. She misses it. She misses her. and hurts like hell. 

She sits on the couch for a few seconds more before standing up and stomping off to her bedroom. She was so embarrassed by herself. It was a dumb thing to do. But for some reason, she found herself so anxious to do it again. But she wouldn't. She couldn't. She laid awake in bed, closing her eyes and thinking up imaginary scenarios. She imagines Macy coming over to see her ; to talk about everything. Gracie would say everything just right, absolutely perfectly, and Macy would forgive her. They would have a glass of wine, maybe Gracie would even cook her dinner. By the end of the night Gracie would walk her out, and at the very last minute Macy would lean in and kiss her, and she would know exactly what it meant. That single goodnight kiss would eclipse every other event in their history, completely wipe the slate clean of all mistakes. It would say everything neither of them could put into words, and most importantly, it would mean Macy loved her all over again. It would mean Gracie had another chance at loving the only person that meant anything to her. It was such an absurd fantasy to have, but it gave her comfort. It gave her that warm feeling in her chest, even if it was false hope. It made her feel whole again. So she held onto that as best she could and let the sweet dreams lull her to sleep.