THE HOT lawyer's

Part 38

Jennie

Since we'd arrived in Bimini, nights were the hardest. Lisa would be asleep next to me, the French doors wide open, the sheer white curtains beside them flowing high in the air like wings, the sounds of the ocean filling the room. It was the optimal scenery for rest.

But I couldn't.

There was far too much on my mind.

Too many unanswered thoughts.

Too much anxiety about my future.

Was it possible for life to resume the way it had been before? Could I return to shooting, putting myself back in the spotlight when the world had seen so much of my body?

Was that even what I wanted?

The taste of fame wasn't what I'd expected. Aside from money, it had brought nothing good. I didn't like the expectations, the lack of privacy. Things I hadn't even realized were important to me now that they were gone.

Lisa had said she could get me out of my contract. I certainly liked the sound of that, but then what would I do? Would I return to graphic design at an advertising agency? Would I make stationery and greeting cards for some mom-and-pop printing press? And when the clients requested meetings with the designer, would they remember my bare ass? The way I had looked when I was mounting my girlfriend? Or when I was on my knees, giving her head? Or the smeared pink lips from the actor I'd supposedly fucked in a public restroom?

They would think I was the biggest slut ever.

With these thoughts running on a continuous loop, sleep was even further away than before. I needed something to distract my brain, so I tiptoed out of bed and grabbed my phone, quickly bringing it back beneath the covers.

I knew better than to check Instagram, but my finger automatically pressed the app, and I typed Irene's name into the search bar.

She was a poster, constantly providing fresh content, wanting to always stay relevant to her fans.

But there was nothing new on her page. No posts for a few days, no stories.

Maybe Irene and her assistant were too busy, which could have been the case, or maybe she was actually feeling some sort of emotion from what had happened between us, drowning in a sea of thoughts, like me.

I typed Mark Hall's name into the search, clicking his profile once it appeared. He didn't have many followers, and his photos were mostly of his dog, some of his family, and a few in the editing room of the studio, showing him hard at work.

There wasn't a single one of Irene.

His most recent post was a quote that he'd shared yesterday.

Your actions don't define you.

Moments happen. Some earn you trophies; others earn you parking tickets.

How you handle tomorrow is what counts.

By then, I'll be a better version of me.

Because I'm not proud of the man I was.

This was a guy who had been so willing to hurt me. I just wanted a peek into his life, to see the things that were important to him. I didn't expect to find remorse. Even though he hadn't apologized to me, it looked like he was sorry.

It also looked like he was in pain.

He'd lost a girl he liked.

A job that probably meant everything to him.

And now, he was left with only memories of both.

"You should be sleeping," Lisa whispered as she rolled toward me.