𝐯𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐞

071. real life. (again)

BIRDIE WANTS to go through with it. he really does. the way steve touches his waist is so gentle and caring, like he was treating birdie the way birdie wanted to be treated. but then tears are spilling and steve retracted completely from him. "you don't want this." he says immediately, reaching for his shirt. "no. no. i do, i really do." birdie says but it sounds so much like a little white lie.

steve pulled on his shirt and got off the couch, making birdie get off his lap and sit back onto the other side, in just his boxers and pants they've only pulled down to below his hips, so he fixed them by pulling them up, sniffling and wiping away his tears. "what's wrong? seriously?" steve asked him.

"i love him." birdie looked up and for a moment, it stung. but reality struck steve smack dab in the face. he's been pining for this guy for the past year or two, not realizing he'll never feel the same way back because they've only been friends since seventh grade. and that's just the way it will remain. forever.

even if he's fucked it up by hooking up over the summer or even now when he's costed the both of them their relationships with other people. because birdie will never love him. never, ever. it breaks his heart a little, but honestly his heart just breaks even more realizing he's why birdie is crying. he's why eddie left birdie. he's why argyle left birdie.

birdie doesn't deserve that, none of it. maybe it would have been better if steve and birdie just didn't know each other at all. he pulls the other into his arms again and birdie sobs harder. "he's gonna hate me. he's always been insecure and jealous, and now--now, i've--" "you've done nothing. it was just a bit of kissing... not the end of the world, bird. and you won't ever have to tell him or anyone, and i won't either. you... should go to argyle. and apologize. and make it up to him." he says as he then pulls back from birdie.

"but... but you--" "don't worry about me, bird..." steve brushed his hand over the side of the crying boy's head. "i honestly just only want to see you happy. that means way more to me than anything ever will." he says and birdie sniffled before pulling him into another hug, clutching onto the harrington tighter.

"i'm sorry..." "it's okay, bird."

and birdie did. go to argyle. or at least he tried to, but the moment he stood before the door, he got nervous and spun around quickly only to stop, feeling like he shouldn't go. but then he thinks about what he said. about the mindless zombie with no feelings thing.

"i'm the mindless zombie with no feelings." he said in disappointment, shaking his head. "yeah. yeah, you are." a voice frightens him as he quickly looked up to see argyle was at his bedroom window, smoking a joint. "what are you doing here?" he asked and birdie just crossed his arms to gather warmth in them as it's a chilly early december night.

"i--i wanted to apologize. and make it up to you." he says with a small frown on his face and argyle nods. "okay, do it from here. go on, i'm listening." he says and birdie scoffs. "you're gonna really leave me out here in the cold to shrivel up and die?" he asked and argyle just laughed. "you're such a drama queen."

birdie shrugs. "but i'm your drama queen." he says and argyle snickers. "right... but we've broken up." he says and birdie frowns again. "and i wanna fix that. please? can you let me in?" he gestures to the front door and argyle pretends to think about it.

"wait, beg for it and i'll think about it." he says and birdie turns around. "fine, forget about it." "wait, no! no, no, no! i'll come down." as expected, argyle couldn't stay mad that long to begin with and gave in to whatever birdie was doing. the front door opens and birdie walks in, following after the taller with a small smile. in argyle's room, birdie sighed as he slipped off his jacket and dug into the pocket in there as argyle plops down onto his bed.