The Clear green

Nova

"Nova, if you don't want to-" Serena looked at me worried.
I looked into her eyes.
"No, I'll do it, I can do it, like always." I said more to myself than to her.
In the mirror in front of me I looked at myself, this black dress, these black shoes.
my black hair
My whole life consists of them.
It seemed like my other self was laughing at myself in the mirror.
As if it would look me in the eye and then tell me what a useless child I was.
"Nova?" I pushed my fantasies aside and took deep breaths in and out.
I held out my hand and Serena handed me a piece of laminated white paper with my words printed on it.
Ena put her hand under mine and we got into the car that was waiting for us in front of our house.

"My condolences, love." My father's best friend's wife, Erica, approached me as soon as I got out of the car.
"Thank you Mrs. Kanelis, how is Caleb?" I asked.
"Oh he's in pretty bad shape, he was his best friend you know, your father, they were like brothers to each other. He probably won't be himself for a while now." She sighed heavily.
"I'm so sorry." I said.
"Oh god, no, it's fine, what matters is you, darling." She gently stroked my shoulder and gave me a pitying look.
I smiled heavily.
I straightened up and analyzed my surroundings.
People I've seen before have taken a seat on the white ridden chairs.
Some stood at the grave and put flowers on it, said something and went back to their place with hanging heads.
I have to make it somehow.

"His beloved daughter, Nova Corteś, is now giving a eulogy." The priest gestured with his hand in my direction.
All the blood shot up in that second.
my heart stopped
My lungs were barely doing their job.
My eyes forgot to blink.
My mouth went dry.
I swallowed.
Stand up and go to the desk.
I put the paper on it with shaky hands.
I cleared my throat.
"My father was everything you could ever ask for in a person.
He was the person I would do anything for, he was my everything.  My guardian angel." I felt tears forming, threatening to flow any second."He-he was special to me-and to many others too.He is in safe hands now, as is his wife-"that was the trigger for  my tears."-My mother."I had to put my hands on the desk to keep from falling when I felt dizzy.
"I-I pray to God that my family is okay, that my father, my angel-now-" My voice cracked.
I sighed and then my legs were boneless, my body was failing
like me.
I felt no hard ground beneath me.
I forced my eyes open.
Someone caught me and put me on a chair.
"Hey, hey, breathe-I'm there-I'm fine." A male voice calmed me down.
"Nova?" It was Caleb.
"It's-fine-I'm fine." I said, scrambling up onto Caleb's shoulder.

A while later everyone left after offering me "Our condolences".
"Are you sure you're staying here, V?" Ena grabbed my shoulders like she wanted to shake me and say what she could do to help me."Yes, Ena, everything is fine, I'm better now, I just want to be alone." I said and she got into the car.I waved at her briefly and then ran towards the grave.I only realized later that someone was already there."I'm sorry." said the man standing by the grave.
He looked pretty young, about my age.
I've never seen him. I gave him a short "Mhm".I went closer and gently stroked the grave."If I ever die, I wish someone would go to my grave and give me a speech like yours." he said, still not looking at me.
"Was that a bad joke to cheer me up?" I smiled a little at his poor attempt to cheer me up.
"No, I'm serious, but if it helps you," he said.
I sighed.
I took in his side profile, the gentle curve of his nose, and the left half of his rosy lips—but what immediately caught your eye were the green eyes, which shone like a toddler had accidentally overdone neon green. The thick lashes set the eyes  no way into the shadows, but only made them appear even more luminous.

"I can go too if you like." he suggested after a while.
,,Who are you?  "it slipped out of me.
"A person you hope to never see again in your life."