Who Is Lucas Ryker O'Riley?

30. AVERSION

Lisa and Jeremy went in the house and came back with glasses of sweet tea for all of us then settled in next to me in the bubbling spa water while Jeremy, in his boldest gesture yet, awkwardly sat directly across from me, our feet touching.

My immediate reaction to his feet touching mine, was to pull back, but I didn't, instead forcing myself to allow the touching to continue. I decided I wanted to try something different, see if I could get over my natural aversion to being touched by another guy, while telling myself it really was okay.

Aversion: a tendency to extinguish a behavior or to avoid a thing or situation and especially a usually pleasurable one because it is associated with a noxious stimulus.

Any straight male or as in my case, someone who, until recently believed myself to be a straight male, has a natural aversion to any kind of contact with another male that could be interpreted as romantic contact.

The way my thought processes had been going yesterday and today, I still naturally had that aversion, it creeped me out, made my skin crawl, however, I was just curious enough to see if I could control my previously automatic reaction to a guy being that close to me.

I held my breath and forced myself to not pull away, allowing his feet to remain in contact with mine even though every hair on my arms and neck were stand g up. I wanted to see if it were possible I could maybe learn to not automatically recoil, not find it unsettling to have contact with a guy, maybe even get to a point where I come to enjoy it.

I knew the only way I'd ever know was to put myself in that situation, and that's what I did.

My whole body was completely tensed at first, but after a couple of minutes I was finally able to relax, just a little. That was enough for me to decide it wasn't as bad as I had thought itwould be.

In fact, after a couple minutes more, I was starting to think I could learn to like it, but then that's when Jeremy began to move his toes ever so slightly, back and forth across the bottom of my toes and that flirtatious act proved to be too much, to fast, and I quickly pulled my feet back away from his.

Having that subtle, unspoken contact with a girl you find attractive, I know what that's like. I've been there, so I know the excitement Jeremy was feeling.

Sorry, Jeremy.

Dave and Jeremy was doing all the talking and I quietly listened., not wanting to draw attention to myself, but it didn't take long for
the conversation to turn to football. That's when my eyes lit up, barely able to contain my excitement over the coming season.

Both Jeremy and Lisa could hardly believe how passionately a girl talked about football and how eager she was to get back on the field.

At one point, Dave proudly bragged about how well I played, even though in truth he had been one of the best or probably even the best player in the league since we started playing. But that was just the kind of brother he was, always humbly playing up those around him, especially me, and downplaying his own accomplishments.

Both Lisa and Jeremy expressed hope that I would make the JV team and said they'd cheer me on if I made the roster.

Apparently the praise from my brother sold them on my credibility.

As our conversation went on, we could smell the divine aroma of a distinctly unique barbecue sauce Mr. Miller dabbed on numerous slabs of pork and beef ribs. Upon smelling the delectable barbecue and suddenly recognizing how starved I was, I got out of the pool, and dried off (with the eyes of an audience of one, discreetly eyeing my every move) I then went inside to help Mrs. Miller and Mom.

Although most everyone might have assumed that I was just being a 'good daughter' helping out with the food preparation, I was helping out purely for selfish reasons. I was, capital letters, HUNGRY!

As I helped with prep (and stole bites of food) I noticed through the window, that Jeremy kept looking back towards the house. I guess he was hoping that any second now, I would be headed back out.

That made me want to stay inside even longer, just to toy with him.