Who Is Lucas Ryker O'Riley?

17. HEAVEN HELP ME

Feeling fairly certain that my privacy was safe for the rest of the afternoon, I went back to my bathroom and closed my door once more.

While restarting my laptop, waiting for it to boot up, I peeled off my clothing down to my birthday suit. As the computer whirred to life, I took a moment to initiate a little more self-examination in the vanity mirror.

As my eyes darted in the mirror looking myself over, from head to toe, I couldn't hardly see the boy who had always looked back at me.

I could hardly believe just how girly I actually looked.

With the computer ready to go, I  folded a soft towel and placed it against the wall across from the full length portion of the vanity mirror, then plopped myself back down, on it.

Back in the same position where I last felt my first real earth shattering experience before lunch, I decided to find out more about what intercourse was like for guys and for girls.

With that in mind, I simply entered a term into the search box on my browser and in no time, thousands of website links were found by the search engine.

Feeling a little mischievous, I pushed past my inhibitions and clicked on the first link. Within minutes I was scanning various salacious videos. The one that caught my attention first was of a tall athletic guy and beautiful waifish girl having 'relations'.

As the video played, I began to slowly rub my own vagina.

After thoroughly enjoying a mind-blowing experience while watching videos of heterosexual couples engaging in 'relations' a wicked smile took shape across my face. Although I had a penis, it wasn't as big and  didn't really do what the guys penises did in the videos, at least not when they climaxed.

I could probably use mine to satisfy a girl, but since I didn't have testicles, it still wouldn't ejaculate sperm the way the men in the videos did.

On the other hand, my vagina was just like what all the girls in the videos had. In fact, I decided  I really liked using it.

Thinking back prior to today, I hadn't given much thought about myself in a sexual way. However, with my body and mind now rapidly being transformed, twisted, pulled and shaped by the raging torrent of hormones flooding my body in addition to my genetic blueprint having its final say on how I was going to ultimately turn out, I could only imagine what the coming months, let alone years would bring.

Even with my sudden awakening of overwhelming arousal, in the back of my mind I couldn't forget Mandy, which in turn caused me to drift off fantasizing about us.

Regrettably, the fantasy was short-lived, when my heart pushed past the lust and desire, it told my head that Mandy had feelings for the boy version of me, at least that's who I was to her before we last said goodbye. With that realization, I snapped out of my revelry and began to clean myself up again.

This was all just too confusing. But I also knew I could only move forward now in a way that made sense with what has been happening to me.

Going forward meant me totally changing my life, becoming a new me . . . a girl.

As I contemplated what that truly meant, I began to realize my biggest fear was that people might find out who I was before. There was a huge potential for mistakes I could make as I start trying to act like I'd spent my whole life as a girl.

I didn't know how I would do it, but I knew it's what I had to do.

I also knew this meant talking to mom and dad about it, tonight.

Heaven help me.