Life Sucks and Then You Die (boyxboy)

Safe in Your Arms

For anyone new, I started writing this story years ago and just now started going back and editing/rewriting the old chapters and will be adding new ones soon. I really hope you all like it and are sure to vote/comment. Thanks!

***TRIGGER WARNING***
Mentions of violence, sexual assault, and self-harm

ETHAN'S POV:

It's Friday and I'm sitting alone in my room. It'd been a pretty good week. I continued to walk to and from school with Greyson and we continued to hang out, talk, and occasionally kiss. On Wednesday, he had asked me to be his boyfriend and after giving it a bit of thought, I had said yes. I was becoming very comfortable around Greys very quickly, and although it scared me to trust someone, I was happy. That was, of course, until my step-father, as usual, had to ruin my good mood.

My mom is out running errands and Ellie is asleep in her room. My step-father yells my name and bursts into my room (I had stupidly forgotten to lock the door), giving me a horrifying glare. He hadn't had an opportunity to say or do anything to me in about a week, so now that he has his chance, he surely isn't going to go easy on me and I know it. I take a deep breath and brace myself for what's to come. I fake a smile through my fear and look up to meet his eyes. "What are you smiling about?" He snarls, and I force myself to keep up the fake smile to prevent myself from cowering. "I'll smack that stupid smirk right off your face," he threatens and I gulp, trying really hard not to show my panic. He seems to be annoyed by how happy I've been lately and decides to use it against me. "So, your mother seems to think that you have an interest in some boy," he speaks, his voice like thunder, making me force myself not to cringe. "What's it going to take for you to get it through that little head of yours that no one will ever love you?" He bites and I try to pretend it doesn't bother me. "I guess I'll just have to explain it to you again," he says, pulling off his belt.

I get my usual punishment and make it through with gritted teeth. I try my best not to cry through it all, but do eventually shed a few desperate tears. This, of course, only encourages him more and my crying, mixed with how happy I've been this week causes him to punish me in harsher ways and for even longer than what I'm used to. Finally, I'm left alone in my room, and force my frail body into my bed. I pull the covers over my naked self and bury my face in my pillow, sobbing. My step-father's words echo in my head, 'Freak,' 'f*g,' 'worthless,' 'stupid,' 'ugly,' 'unloveable.' I try my best not to let them get to me, but after years of hearing them, I can't help but believe that they're true.

I drag myself out of bed and open my dresser. I pull on boxers and sweatpants, feeling like shit and not caring how I look. I pull a baggy T-shirt over my body, knowing my mom will be home soon and not wanting her to see the bruises on my ribs and stomach. Over the years, my step-father had learned not to hit me anywhere I couldn't cover with clothing. I wince as the light fabric brushes my sore body. I glare at how weak I am and pull open another drawer. I take out my razor and go to my bathroom to punish myself for being so unloveable.

After I put my razor away and wash the blood from my wrists, I trudge back to my bed. I flop down and just lie there, unable to cry another tear. I stare blankly ahead of me until I notice my phone is glowing faintly. I pick it up and groan when I see the notification. Greyson had texted me to ask if we could hang out. As much as I like and care about Greys, I know that my step-father is right about at least one thing. I don't deserve Greyson. I text him back, saying we can meet up at the beach to talk. I guess now is as good a time as any to tell him that nothing can happen between us. Honestly, I don't even deserve to have him as a friend.

I don't bother changing before leaving to meet up with Greyson. I just throw a large sweatshirt on to hide my disgusting body even more. On my way out, I see my reflection in the window and feel disgusted. My hair is a mess. I am wearing very baggy and unattractive clothing and my face is ugly and tear-stained. There are bags under my eyes and I look exhausted, which is probably because I am. I'm so tired of everything. I pull on some shoes and walk to the beach. Greyson is already sitting on the sea wall when I get there.

"E, what's going on? Is everything okay?" He asks, clearly very concerned and confused. When I don't say anything, he continues. "Did something happen?" He stands. I can't bring myself to lie to him. He didn't do anything wrong and he deserves to hear the truth. Or at least, some of it. "I don't deserve you," I tell him honestly, beginning to feel tears stinging my eyes. "You're such a good person and I'm just a stupid, worthless piece of garbage and I don't deserve to have anyone care about me, let alone somebody as amazing as you," I admit, feeling the tears spill over. "I'm so pathetic," I speak, aggressively wiping the pitiful tears from my face. Why am I so disgusting? I'm staring at the ground when I feel his gentle hands on my shoulders. "Sweetie, no," he pulls my slightly shaking body into his strong arms and holds me tightly. It hurts, but I don't care. I give in, wrapping my arms around his waist as tightly as possible and sobbing into his chest. "You are so beautiful, Ethan. You're so smart and attractive and sweet and unbelievably strong. I only wish I could be as strong as you are. You've gone through far too much and have never deserved any of it. I wish I could just take your pain away, but I know that I can't. All I can do is hold you and kiss you and tell you how truly wonderful you really are. Baby, please don't say those things about yourself. Please don't believe them. I promise you, they aren't true. I don't know who or what could possibly make you feel that way, but I assure you, you are incredible. You're so amazing, do you understand that? You're so unbelievably phenomenal, okay?" He speaks, making me cry harder. How could somebody say something so nice to me? Somehow, I know he believes what he's saying. Somehow, I feel that when he says it, maybe it could be true. Maybe I'm not quite as awful as I think I am. Maybe my step-father is wrong.

After I pull myself together, Greyson invites me to his house. His mothers are visiting a friend and have his little brother with them. When we get there, we just kind of lay on his couch for a while, holding each other. I'm both mentally and physically exhausted and Greyson seems to enjoy having me in his arms. My face is buried in his chest and his head is rested on mine. I'm listening to his calm breaths and breathing in his amazing scent. My eyes are closed and I feel safe and happy. I feel as though I might fall asleep, so I try to keep myself awake. "Maybe I should sit up," I slur, already very sleepy. "Is something wrong?" Greyson tries to read my face. "No, I'm just really tired and I don't want to fall asleep," I tell him. He smiles. "That's okay, E. You can sleep." "But you're here," I tell him, "and besides, it's 8:30. I'd be home really late if I napped now." "So, stay over," he says, smiling. "I would be more than happy to have you fall asleep by my side," he tells me. "And my moms definitely wouldn't mind," he adds. "Hmm," I think for a moment. "Alright. I'll text my mom," I say, pulling out my phone. I text her quickly and when she replies, giving me permission, Greyson and I head upstairs. He texts his moms and they give him permission, as expected. He changes into plaid pajama pants and I remain in my sweatpants. He removes his shirt, and although I usually take off my sweatshirt to sleep, I keep it on so he won't see my bruises and scars.

I try not to be obvious about eying his shirtless body, but he seems to notice after a few seconds. "Like what you see?" He chuckles and I'm too tired to make up an excuse, so I just tell him the truth. "Yes, I do." He laughs and climbs into his bed. He pulls back the covers and motions for me to join him. "You sure?" I ask. "Of course," he replies, smiling. "Unless you'd be more comfortable with me sleeping somewhere else," he adds and I smile at how considerate he is of my feelings. "No, that's okay," I tell him. "I'd be more than happy to sleep next to you." I crawl into bed and lay on my side so I can face him, ignoring the pain in my ribs as best I can. I try to hold my head up, but I'm so tired that I just rest it on the pillow instead. Greyson chuckles at how tired I am. "You're so cute when you're sleepy," he tells me and kisses my forehead lightly. I giggle and he flips off the light next to the bed. "Come here," he says quietly in the peacefully dark room. I scoot closer to him and he wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me into his chest. He kisses my forehead sweetly and whispers, "Goodnight, baby. Sweet dreams." I'm just awake enough to lift my head and connect my lips to his before whispering, "Night, Grey," and falling asleep with a smile on my face.

Thanks for reading! Sorry this one got kind of heavy, but I hope the cute little sleepover at the end helped make up for it. Please remember to vote and comment.

Don't take candy from strangers,
A.J.