Secret Son / Bang Chan

Part 10

"IM GONNA GET YOU!" Seungmin roared like a monster as he chased Grey around the living room of the apartment that he shares with Felix and Jeongin. Grey screamed excitedly as he ran around the coffee table to get away from the smiley puppy. Jeongin and Felix laughed at the duo and I smiled softly as I watched my son play from the kitchen.

Seungmin had been Grey's favorite playmate ever since he was a baby. No matter how much he loved it when Felix or I would play with him, he loved it when Seungmin played with him more. I think that Seungmin's puppy-like excitement had a large part to play in it personally.

"MOMMA SAVE ME!" Grey ran right over to me and clung to my leg, pretending to be scared but the smile on his face and his laughter gave him away. Seungmin roared like a monster and detached Grey from my leg, scooping the screaming boy up in his arms and pretending to eat him. The two burst into chaotic laughter as their game of chase came to an end.

"I've missed this kid." Seungmin laughed as he ruffled Grey's hair, "I'm still your favorite buddy right?" Grey giggled at the action but the next words out of his mouth surprised everyone, "Channie's my favorite but you're fun too!"

A sudden silence swept over all of us and Felix and I exchanged looks with each other before he exchanged looks with Seungmin and Jeongin. Without wasting a second Jeongin walked from behind the counter over to Seungmin and began to push the boy forward by his shoulders.

"How about we go play Mario Kart with Grey! Won't that be fun!" Jeongin threw out the diversion and quickly rushed Seungmin and Grey away to one of their rooms. I let out a  sigh and looked at Felix. He gave me a sympathetic smile that made me feel a little bit better.

"I don't think I'm gonna be able to keep it from him much longer." I suddenly confessed, "Chan knows that Grey adores him, worships him even. And I want to tell him, really I do but...how to I even explain something like that to him without shattering his entire world view?"
Tears flooded my vision and I desperately searched Felix's soft brown eyes for answers.
"I should've just told Grey who his father was when he asked the first time, hell I should've just told Chan I was pregnant to behind with then we wouldn't be in this mess."

Felix rubbed soft circles on my back as a way to offer some comfort but it did little to help. The overwhelming realization of how badly my actions in the past were affecting my life now was beginning to be too much. Every day it became more and more clear that Chan was right; if I had just said something back then things would be entirely different now. And it was heartbreaking to know that now we would never have what the two of us had always fantasized about as teenagers.

"I want to help you, really Y/N I do, but I don't know what else I can say to you to try to help. The only thing you can do is try to forgive yourself. Chan seems to have forgiven you."

"But he hasn't!" My heart hammered against my rib cage, "he's constantly reminding me that I didn't tell him and that I denied him the right to know his son! He won't let me live it down and I feel horrible!" 

Felix was silent but pulled me into a tight hug. I wept into his shoulder and quickly felt the material of his shirt soak with my tears.

"He'll forgive you in time. This is Chan we're talking about, he was never good at staying mad at you. I don't know if you know this, but in high school when you guys fought, even if over little things, he would come home and cry because he hated being mad at you."

Hearing that made me smile softly as memories of us flashed through my head like a movie. Felix was right, Chan was never good at staying mad at me back then. No matter how little the argument he always made it up to me in some way or another. It wasn't always with words, but mostly through actions such as showing up to school with my favorite coffee or  breakfast.

"Thanks Lix, you never fail at making me feel better." I wiped the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand and Felix smiled before pressing a soft kiss to my temple. I smiled at my freckle-faced best friend.

"There's my second favorite smile to see."

"And who's the first?"

"Grey of course! His smile is so precious."

I couldn't argue with him on that one, Grey's smile was the most precious thing in the world to me. 

"Y/N?"

"Hm?"

"I should probably tell you that-"

Before Felix had the chance to finish his sentence, the door to his apartment suddenly opened causing both of our head to turn and look at the sudden intruder. My heart did backflips as I took note of how he had changed in the past year since I had seen him: his hair had gotten longer and messier but was still the beautiful light brown shade that I had always complimented him for and he had gained more muscle but other than that he was untouched by time.

"What's wrong Y/N? You look like you've seen a ghost?" Han Jisung teased with a signature heart-shaped smile on his face. God I had missed that smile. I unwrapped Felix's arm from around my shoulder and slowly approached Jisung, like he was going to disappear if I got too close.
"C'mon, it this anyway to treat an old friend?"