Secret Son / Bang Chan

Part 13

For the rest of the evening I felt like I had been hit by a train. Seungmin managed to get Felix's attention off of Grey and me and onto the stove, point Grey and I in the direction of the living room where a fresh container of brownies and a new stuffed animal were waiting for us on the living room table. I'm beat that the stuffed animal was able to distract not only Grey, but myself, as I played with him.

Still, I couldn't shut off the thoughts that consumed my head. I couldn't believe Felix would just drop a bomb like that without giving me at least some previous hints. Or did he give them to me but I was to blind to see them? I began to analyze his behavior around me.

Felix was always a very affectionate person, constantly giving hugs and compliments to his friends. I didn't think anything of it when he would hug me or tell me I looked pretty because that was just him. It was just Felix. He had always treated me like that, ever since middle school. I thought of the few times it had caused fights between Chan and I when we were together. He had accused Felix of liking me but I always insisted he was being ridiculous and had nothing to worry about. We're Chan's worries actually based in truth? Did he know something I didn't back then? Was that why he kept acting aloof when Felix was brought up in recent conversations? 

The dinner that Seungmin and Felix prepared goes over well. Grey keeps going on and on about how yummy it is as he eats and I do my best to alleviate the awkward atmosphere in the suddenly small space. Felix has gone uncharacteristically quiet and I absolutely hate it. When Felix is quiet he's either depressed or angry, and at that moment I wasn't sure which would be worse.

After dinner Seungmin does something that I'm still not sure if I should be thankful or hate him for. He makes a big deal over being out of whipped cream for the brownies they planned to serve and tell Grey they're going on a special mission to get it. Grey immediately is enthusiastic about it and that's how Felix and I ended up all alone.

I was silently loading th the dishwasher when Felix came and stood next to me. I tried to ignore him and keep my focus on the task at hand.

"Y/N, I know it's probably not my place, but I can't take this weirdness anymore."

I stayed silent but I stopped doing the dishes, waiting for him to continue.

"Are you and Chan back together?"

"No, we're not. And that's not where our relationship is going." I spat dryly. It's the truth, but as the words slid off my tongue I felt my throat tighten. I wondered why saying it out loud echoed so much, why it makes me feel like I've missed something monumental. I mull Felix's words over in my head.

"Oh." Felix says flatly. He chews on his bottom lip but he doesn't say anything more, though I suspected he wanted to. That was the thing with Felix, he was respectful of boundaries regardless of what he personally wanted.

"Why?" I ask, "Would it matter if we were?"

"I love Grey, Y/N, with all my heart." Felix says causing me to blink at him. I knew that he loved Grey, that was nothing new, but the way he said it this time was different from anytime he had said it before, like it was some big secret being revealed. He took a few breathe, soft brown eyes locked with mine as his warm hands still themselves on my arms.

"And I love you."

My mouth parts, I wanted to say something but no words would come out. So I blink a few more times, my mind scrambled to reassemble itself and I arrive at the only conclusion I could conjure:

"We love you too Felix, you're an incredibly precious friend to us. You know that."

Felix's brow furrowed, he shook his head as he gave a dry chuckle. One hand squeezed at my bicep and the other reaches up to cup my cheek and before I knew what was happening his lips are on mine. A plush and gentle press that felt fluttery and eager even as it's slow and steady like the flow of a river but still sent my mind reeling in its serenity and tenderness.

Lee Felix was kissing me.
Lee Felix, my best friend since middle school, was kissing me.

My lips were torn between wanting to say something and wanting to glide in harmony against his with how soft they were, how they made me feel like there were so many things left unsaid to me that he was now showing me with that kiss and I wanted to know more. And then my eyes fluttered shut and the first thing I saw was Chan's dimpled smile.

I pulled away so abruptly that my ass hit the counter behind me. My cheeks were burning red and I couldn't breathe. I wasn't ready to look at Felix, to acknowledge whatever emotion was on his face so I say the first thing that pops into my head.

"But we're friends!"

Felix sighed deeply, "and this tells me that you never noticed. Y/N, I've been head over heels for you since day one. From that first day of seventh grade in Mr.Choi's class all the way to right now. How could you not notice? I've been hitting on you for years."

I was stunned to silence. Felix took a step close to me, almost having me pinned against the counter.

"In case I wasn't making myself clear, I want to be with you. I'm not just into you and want to try dating and see where it goes. I know I want to be with you, stay with you, and Grey. Be a family one day."

I thought I was going to pass out. It felt like a ton of bricks had been dropped right on top of my head and my phone couldn't have picked a better time to ring. I pulled the device out of my pocket and answered it without even looking at the caller ID.

I begin to move and Felix steps back, giving me room to move. I get a safe distance away from him, putting the kitchen island between us. I didn't dare look at his face.

"Yeah?"

Please let it be Jisung. Please let it be Jisung. I need his voice to remind me that this is real and not some fucked up twisted reality.

"Does Grey like sky blue?"