Stay Quiet || William Afton

twenty nine

cw: suicide attempt, descriptive gore, abuse

William's POV

Hurricane, Utah, 1976

"Open this fucking door!" My father aggressively rattled the doorknob.

I quickly opened my bedroom window.

"You know what you tried to do to me! You're fucking guilty! Once I get my hands on you I swear I'll send you to prison with a broken spine!" He pounded the door.

I've tried calling out to God, I've asked him to help me, to tell me what to do, help me end this cycle of abuse, but he didn't respond. He never, ever fucking responded. I've decided he isn't real, and that the only person that can help me is myself.

In moments like these, you really do wish there was a God, someone to help make a miracle work. Someone to save people from suffering, someone to punish the ones who cause the suffering. Knowing there isn't one just creates more suffer.

I did try to kill him. I tried to poison him, and it almost worked. But he survived, and now he wants to kill me.

He can't kill me before I kill myself.

"William open this door now or I'll make it way worse for you!" The door rattled.

I slowly put my legs through the window, and sat over the ledge. My bedroom was on the second floor, but this house is so damn tall I could really die falling from here.

I don't know what to feel. I can feel myself crying, I can feel myself wanting to die, I feel so much yet at the same time I feel nothing.

I looked over at the note on my table. It was filled with nothing but pathetic sorry's to Willow and my mother. I will miss them so much. More than anyone could ever understand. I feel that if I just don't end it now, it will never end. I want to be free.

The wind blew against my face, and I felt it attempt to dry my tears. A way of telling me to stop crying, but I can't. They come over, and over, and day after day.

It's not just my father I fear. I fear myself. I know nothing good will come of me in the future. If anything, unfortunately, I might be like him. And I'm doing people a favor by ending it now, so they would never have to meet whatever monster I might be.

I heard my mother begging him to show me mercy, that I was just a boy and didn't deserve it. She was nearly screaming as she watched him get more violent.

"Fucking die!" Something screamed in my head for the very first time. I didn't realize this would be the beginning of a very, long insufferable life. My suffering would only begin.

A life where my diseases would cause the suffering of families I didn't even know, the suffering of a dark eternity, the suffering of whom I love and so deeply care for. I now realize, if I had killed myself this day, the city of Hurricane would be a much happier place. I would only become the parasite, and this town would be the host.

I had hinted to my mother for a few days now that it was over for me. Me, a 15 year old, nearly 16. A short, temporary life with not a single meaning.

I had plans. I would grow up with Willow, I would grow up to work on what I was passionate about with her, I would have friends and I would have people who care about me and people who I care about. I would have my own home, and I would make memories.

Something tells me, that if I don't do this, my death will be long and painful, either on my bedroom floor beaten to death, or in the hospital where my life would be sucked slowly.