He Doesn't Remember

Ch 22

Not edited.

The dismal lighting in the room mocked him. It matched his mood perfectly. Dark with a teasing taunt of light. If only it were more.

The hours he'd sat with the papers Donna had given him had seemed like forever while being a flick of time. He was lost. Completely and utterly lost.

He'd known there was the potential of Donna not wanting to be with him but now, now those damn papers had all but erased any hope he had. His silent promise of making it all up to her was silenced with a certainty he never realised would hurt so much.

He could fight it but what would be the point? With his history he could hardly ask the magistrate for time to go to counselling, to try and work on gaining her trust but the sinking feeling he had made it clear that it wasn't going to happen... at least not yet.

Those damn papers were mocking him. Laughing at how pathetic he was and had been. He deserved this. He deserved Donna's hatred.

The moment he first thought of stepping outside their marriage was the moment he should have manned up and removed Elizabeth from his life. He really was pathetic.

He let his mind drift back and choked back a sob. Their wedding day. The day when he felt on top of the world at knowing that Donna was going to be by his side for the rest of his life.

How wrong he was.

He ruined it. He ruined their day when he saw Elizabeth with tears in her eyes and asked her what was wrong.  That small voice inside him had warned him to walk away but did he listen? Did he? No.

Instead he listened. He watched as Elizabeth stood with tears flowing as she told him she loved him and wished that she was Donna. He watched as pain splashed cruel lines across her face as her hands twisted together.

He watched as his childhood friend poured her heart out as to how long she'd been wishing he'd open his eyes and see that she was right under his nose and had been waiting to be noticed.

He'd walked away from her after making a promise to always be there when she needed him. He kept his promise from afar until that day... the day when he crossed the line of no return.

The memory so vivid it was like living it again. It had started out as a regular work day. Elizabeth had worked with him for a couple of years and over the last few months, after the wedding, their working relationship had changed. No more were there teasing jokes or heartfelt conversations. This is what he'd chosen for Donna.

If only!

If only he hadn't agreed to have lunch with her.

He sighed and turned to look at the wall beside the bed. The stark white now looking grey with the only break a landscape picture with a view of an ocean.

As a teen he watched Elizabeth control her way around the boys that interested her. He had to admit now in hindsight that he'd fallen into the same trap as the rest of them.  She'd used the way he felt to gain his pity and he felt like a fool.

Yet he fell in love.

How was it possible? Loving two women with a clear choice between the two? Seeing Donna proved that he still felt the same way about her as the day they were married.

Yes, he still loved Elizabeth but compared to the way he felt about Donna that love may as well have sunk with the Titanic.

Maybe it was the loneliness of these past months but his heart demanded that he fight for her with everything in him.

They had a son. He had a son. Surely Donna would realise he needed a constant male figure in his life? Who better than his father?

Seth?

Hell no! As much as he cared about his cousin he wasn't past doing what he once did. Donna was and always will be his and regardless as to who he has to stand on he would make sure she was again.

He would let her have her divorce as he wasn't in physical condition to put a plan into action but they still had to see one another because of Brenton.

He would be subltle. Charming and effectively nice with the aim of all aims.

He would get Donna back!