Life 2.0: mostly sweet short M2F TG stories

Last Entry - revised

Okay so this one isn't so sweet, but I still think you'll enjoy it.

I hope so, at least.....

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Well, it looks like this is it.

Nobody is coming, or at least not in time to save me. This is the end of the line, as they say.

I'm gonna die. Soon. Don't know why I'm writing this down. I believe I'm probably one of the last people left on the planet. I haven't seen another living soul in the past month. Not one single person. Haven't heard any sounds to indicate anyone else is out there either, yet I continue to write. Nobody will ever find it, even if there is anybody left, but I don't want to stop. Can't anyways, because that's what I did my whole life - write.

In the unlikely event someone does come and sees a thirty-four-year-old guy in a wedding dress, white thigh-highs, and stilettos and wonders why, the answer is rather simple.

This is who I was, yet never told anyone. It's the secret I always knew I'd take with me to my grave. I'm a girl on the inside, but not on the outside, so I never had the balls to show anybody the real me.

How ironic. A girl with literal physical balls (testicles) but not the balls (courage, bravery) to become who I knew I was.

They'd never have understood, anyway.

Crap, I'm crying, and the tears are wetting the only scrap of paper I could find to write this on, so I'd better be careful if I want this to even be legible. I was always like this, sensitive, emotional, crying at the drop of a hat. People thought I was such a wuss. When the truth was that I was just a girl.

Too bad it took the end of the world for me to actually take the first step toward living as one. Now, it's too late and not only will I not get to live one day as one, I can't even die as one.

It's all over. I found the dress, thigh-highs, and heels a couple of days ago on a mannequin, one of the only things left in a long since looted clothing store, during my last scavenging raid and was amazed that the thing fit me. I guess starvation does wonders for the waistline.

The shoes, not so much. It was excruciatingly painful to get them on my feet and even worse to try to stand up in, but I don't care. For so long, I could only dream of the day I'd be able to wear heels and hose and now, well I'm just happy to finally have the opportunity.

No more wife around to forbid it, no kids to judge me for it, and no church congregation full parents to kick me out of my position as youth pastor for it.

Oh gad, I just saw my reflection in the broken remains of a mirror - I actually look nice. Not supermodel material, by no means, but nice. Certainly passable. Definitely feminine enough to blend in with all the soccer moms in the church with teenagers in the youth group.

If I had seen a girl looking like me going about her business back when there were still people, I would have never twigged to her being a boy.

Well, isn't that ironic. Settling for a homogenized life of wedded normalcy with a wife and two kids (a boy and a girl), a white picket fence, two car garage, a nine to five job, and a half-hearted attempt at being a youth pastor, all because I feared getting beat up and ostracized by society for being a freak when I would have probably passed well enough that no one would have ever known anyway.

Oh well, I guess it's too late to beat myself up about it now.

It's getting hard to write, so if I'm going to say anything important I better say it now.

I guess the one thing I would say is "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to everybody I met. I'm sorry I lived my life pretending to be a man and never letting anybody meet the real me. I could have maybe done something extraordinary with my life, maybe made someone else's life a little better, even. I'm sure I'd have been able to make some guy a happy husband, by being the wife he always dreamed of growing old with, but thanks to my cowardice, never got to meet.

So if someone like me finds me, I would say to them "do it. Don't let fear stop you, just do it. Before it's too late."

Too bad now it is too late.

This is it, I can feel it. Maybe I'll wake up in heaven, and maybe there I'll get to be a girl, but I doubt it. God, I'm sorry. Can I have just one more cha----