SURRENDER ( DELA REYES SERIES #1 )

#DRS01

#DRS01

Is this it?

Is this the feeling of being unwanted?

To be not chosen?

To be betrayed??

Small tiny drops of rain hit my face as I stared at the starless night sky in the middle of the road. Soaking wet, cold while blankly staring at the sky. In my peripheral vision, everyone is using an umbrella and wearing a coat protecting them from the rain while here I am, in a dress, exposing my shoulders, back and legs... Wet, in pain and very pitiful. I couldn't feel the cold. Instead, I felt an intense aching in my heart.

My phone rang, but I didn't pay attention to it. I couldn't hear anything. I could feel people's gaze as they walked by. Pity, worried as they look at me. But for me, the world comes to a halt. I have no sensations. Nothing matters around me except the pain I'm experiencing... It's suffocating me. My tears just keeps going and going. I feel like I'm being oppressed; it's excruciating... My heart is being squeezed by the pain. 

Why is it like this?

Why? Where did I lack?

I did everything... tell me.. Where did I lack? On what way I lack?! Why... Why didn't you choose me? I thought... I thought we were fine... I thought it was enough... I thought I was really... Why? Why is it like this? tell me where I'm missing! I will correct it! Why? Why? Tell me...

I want to know... Why? I did everything... I did... Isn't that enough?

Am I not enough? Is what I did not enough?

Of course.

Does he want me to kneel down? What? Does he want it? Just tell me I'll do it! I will do anything! Is it there? Did I lack there? Not kneeling? I love him. Yes, I'm very very in love with him and I didn't fail to make him feel that. I make him feel wanted and loved. I was the ideal girlfriend... I cook for him, even when he said I shouldn't... I care for him and I know he felt it. I was always there for him... when he was depressed, sad and happy. I accompany him in the past months... I did everything. I know my  love didn't lack... or did it? I don't know, I will do everything... I did... everything.

He's gone. What am I suppose to do?

My eyes reddened again and new tears start to flowed. It may not be obvious due to the rain. I don't even hold any emotion in my face. I just look at the sky. It might not be obvious from the outside, but I was deeply hurting, so much... I want to scream really bad... from the excruciating pain...  my heart doesn't beat normally anymore. The person I love so much, I can give everything, do everything and sacrifice everything because I love him dearly... hurt me extremely... I just wanna die, get lost. Why? What's so good about that girl? I'm richer than her, I dress better, I'm more talented, I can give him my full attention, I'm prettier... I'm better! what do you want? Armando! The only thing she is, is that she's poor! And you knew her before me!

I...

I, the one who is always by your side even if you push me away... the one who endures your cruelty, still stays by your side, and loves you very much. I was the one who was there for you when you were hurting because of her. I'm the one who's with you when you have a problem... I chose you yet why...? Why did he choose her? Why would he choose someone who keeps hurting him? why not me? Why?