Silver Lining in the Clouds (Erudite Series #2)

Kapitulo 9

December seemed less cold this year. I felt like I knew why, but I was still trying to keep it a secret from myself. From my sane part. It was because if I admitted it, it would be like I contradicted myself. I didn't want any attention for things that weren't important to me, yet I was beginning to like someone who was famous. I'd be the talk of the town if things elevated between River and me. Alexis' words got to me, and I knew she had a point. But a stronger pull held me to continue what River and I had. It was why we had two more dates before Christmas break.

Right now, I was at home. Mommy and Daddy were doing something in the living room, and I was in my room. I was working out. I had nothing else to do. My friends were all celebrating elsewhere, so I couldn't ask anyone to go out during this time.

My friends and I did go to a bar a week ago. I told them all about River. They had varying reactions. Trina was telling me to be careful with River because she heard not-so-good things about basketball players. I got where she was coming from; for some reason, these players were usually portrayed as players in relationships as well. But, of course, it was just a stereotype. On the contrary, Phyllis and Rose were supportive and even excited for me. Baka raw ako na ang susunod na 'UAAP' girlfriend ngayong season. Cian was the only one who was neutral, as long as River wasn't shitty raw, she'd support me.

I had thought of asking River to hang out, but I decided otherwise. I knew he was resting since next year, todo na ulit ang mga laro nila. They had another game in another country for a league of some sort, so I knew asking him might tire him out. But I really wanted to go out.

Eventually, my mind finally agreed on going mall alone tomorrow. I wanted to shop too, so why not? Dating myself.

Pagbaba ko, nakita kong mayroong tinitipa si Mommy sa laptop niya while Daddy was reading a book on the couch.

"Mommy,"

"What do you need?"

She took off her reading glasses and turned to me. The dark circles under her eyes indicated her weariness from work, but she loved her work. Mommy looked... older than women her age. I felt like it was because she had been attached to her work too much to think about relaxing or, practically, anything else.

"Can I go out tomorrow?"

"Alright, how much do you need?"

"I have money pa po,"

What if I ask Mommy to shop with me? Since she usually did online shopping, maybe... Just maybe...

"Do you want to come with me, Mommy? I'll buy clothes," without any hesitation on her face, she shook her head sideways. "I have enough clothes,"

Rejected. Dismissed. For the nth time. When would I get used to it? My hope was infinite. Maybe it shouldn't be because I would consistently get hurt if I continued hoping.

How could a word that had a promising connotation bring me so much agony?

I went back to my room and felt disheartened. I distracted myself by watching a new season of the show I liked.

I knew there was a 99% chance that Mommy would decline my offer. But I took my chance, again. People often say you get disappointed when you expect. But I hoped. It was more painful because hope was something more earnest, it was stronger than expectations. To know that my heart throbs while hoping for a different answer was... more than disappointing. It was heartbreaking. My heart had been broken more times than I could count. My parents were the first and last people who broke it. Yet, my hope had a firm grip on the idea that soon, their recognition of me would come. Kapag nakuha ang grades ko, siguro gagaan na ang loob nila. Iyon ang pinanghahawakan ko sa ngayon, kaya pinaghirapan ko ang pagsagot ko sa mga exams at paggawa ng mga homeworks.