Silver Lining in the Clouds (Erudite Series #2)

Kapitulo 29

"I will also never hate you, Anjel. You're my angel," Mommy stepped closer and took my hands. We were the same height, so her face was easy to see.

"It feels like you do. It feels like my existence was for, and only for, pursuing what you want me to pursue. Takot na takot akong magkaroon ng pagkakamali sa bawat exam na sinagutan ko. Takot na takot din akong hindi manalo sa bawat competition na sinalihan ko noon. Kahit ngayon, takot akong hindi maabot ang gusto niyong abutin ko." Sabi ko.

Mommy was looking at me with a hurt expression.

"Baka hindi niyo na ako mahalin kung bumagsak ako. Baka hindi niyo na ako pansinin kapag hindi ko nakabisado 'yong multiplication table. Baka bawian niyo ako kapag... pinaglaban ko lahat ng 'to. I was so afraid of being just... me, of being mediocre. It's like there's no reason for me to just be me. I was never enough."

She touched my face and looked at every part of it. I could almost feel the incoming hug because of how she was acting.

"You're our angel," she looked at me and a burst of emotions went through her face. Fear, regret, and longingness showed.

"I don't believe in God, but when you were born I started to believe in... magic. The magic of everything in this world that I once never even thought of."

Her fingers wiped my tears as more flowed.

"I was scared for you, scared that you might be too... soft for this world. I have met different types of people. Many of them hid their dark plans. Many of them pretend to be kind, to be honest, and to be good. Everyone uses everyone. I didn't want my child to feel used. That's why I'm so strict. I didn't even want you to live in a condo at first, but your father told me it'd be extremely hard for you to commute every day. So, I had our driver secretly monitor you."

She showed a small smile. Umawang ang bibig ko. She... had me followed!

"It was why your father and I only wanted you to focus on school because once you see how the real world works, you might get hurt. And, I will never want that."

She began to cry. I felt my chest heating up again. Now, we were both silently weeping. Me, for all that she had done. And, her, maybe from seeing me this way.

"A close friend of mine once had a husband, he was an athlete."

I sniffed and listened. Even though I had no idea why she brought up her friend, I still opened my ears.

"Her husband died after injuring himself in his sport. I saw my friend wail like a madwoman on the loose during the funeral and in... the hospital. She was breaking apart as her career was rising. I made you stop gymnastics because of that. I was terrified of losing you over a sport. And, I didn't want River for you because he reminds me of my friend's husband. Eventually, my friend committed suicide."

My mouth was now agape. Brows furrowing, I looked away and wiped my tears.

"My protection of you was not how others protect their children. I'm sure you've compared yourself to others. I'm sure you've questioned your father and my choices. It's why you've had enough, haven't you?"

My eyes went back to her as she pulled my head to put on her shoulder. She was finally aiming for an embrace. I let her. Despite my anger. Despite my dislike of the past. Despite wishing I had more freedom growing up. Despite wishing I didn't have the fear of failing.

"I know anything can happen, science has always told me that many things are inevitable. But I wanted to control this, your life. Because in control, I know you're safe, I know you won't regret—I thought I was right. But you've proven to me the past weeks that I was wrong all your life."