Review Central (Wattpad book review)

Rebellion: Prince of Dawn

I think that this book is rough for new readers.

Very, very rough. And I am genuinely not trying to be mean or overly critical, it's just been very long and not very beginner friendly. As I got through the book more and more, I started to be more into it; but admittedly there are many, many issue.

The first issue I'd like to address is the opening chapter. When writing an opening chapter, artists should really be concerned with three things and usually in this order:

Defining the laws of the land, and setting the scene

Defining the characters and their motives or at least establish a baseline personality/storyline

Create intrigue and hold the reader through a chapter.

The opening chapter of this book only does one of these things well. It feels way too fast paced without taking the time to describe the scene in enough detail. When I read I just tried to imagine a blank castle, no real interesting qualities, because I had nothing else to go off of. It feels like this author had so many ideas bottled up in their head, so many different aspects to this world, it's just a shame I can't enjoy them. The chapter structure is weird, but I liked it. However, the pacing is awful. There is too much going on, there are too many characters, and not enough time is given to each character to bring out my interest in any particular one. Decan is the only one I felt I had a grasp on, and even still I wasn't able to pinpoint who this character was supposed to be. 

I think there was a process to get to the action as soon as possible, there is so much action and turmoil, it feels like the more I read the more I felt I wanted to know more. If these chapters were split into five chapters each of the same length, the pacing would be so much better in my opinion. Going over the castle, introducing characters, taking two or three characters just for drama and detail. Next, have a battle scene into a chapter that ramps up the energy slightly. Then, have the meeting be a chapter. After that, have at least two chapters of them going to the battlefield. Then, at the battle field, a minimum of five chapters should be spent in the action, in the moments between combat, and building up the other commanders and how Decan is as a leader. Then get into the capturing, have that be a chapter. Then have a separate chapter for the prison scene, and continue to give time to these characters. Why?

Because Here are the parts that are fantastic:

The moments that are built up to could actually be really, really good. But right now the story is churning out these moments with no real payoff because no substantial time is taken to earn the payoff. No idea of the loyalty, no idea of the grueling fights, no idea of the MAGIC system in the story. But the moments, the characterization of the people... It's truly a shame. The beginning chapters are THE most important. There is nothing that kills reader engagement more than a bad first impression. I would highly recommend a rework, maybe even a slow rebuilding of the early story.

Also, I do not care for the soft reset done in chapter 3, as at that point I hadn't even gotten accustomed to Decan let alone his journey as this newborn. It also become host to a whole lot of issues unless you just immediately go to time skip, and the character has no prior knowledge. The issue with the soft reset is that;

A, the character still remembers everything and is a 'conscious newborn', meaning the story is forced to rush even faster than it is.  This then adds NEW characters, you have to do MORE introducing. It's why soft resets usually happen between books, because it majorly throws the flow off. I think it's a creative misstep, but that's just my opinion.

Another good thing is the magic system, however underdeveloped. I think it's one area the descriptions are more than adequate, and add a lot to the story.

AESTHETICS: 2.4/10

PLOT: 4.5/10

GRAMMAR: 7.3/10

I can't lie, it was not the most enjoyable experience. I did take longer to read through, and that's mostly due to availability; but it also had to do with the large amount of rereading I had to do. Sorry if this comes off as harsh, I do believe there is good material here. I think, if fleshed out properly and given room to breathe, it'll be pretty damn good story. It's just not very polished.

Here's the overall score of the book.

Personal enjoyment: 2/10

Professionalism: 6/10

TOTAL SCORE: 3.6/10

Always room to improve as an author. And keep in mind, maybe this type of book isn't for me. Take what you will from the review, and always continue writing. Thanks for the submission, and I hope I could have helped in some way!

This is Ifweallfell, signing off.

Onto the next one! { :^\|  }