Immediately lets get into the positives of this work.
The theme of fitting in at the detriment to who you are, and the fact that either way it's suffering in a sense (this is what I got - especially when later on Quig's talking to his nephew about how he'd never remove his wings to fit in, I think, is really - really strong.
Wings in this are a symbol of beauty/power, and it plays with those dynamics pretty well. There are some beautiful scenes here, from the seemingly quiet and sad birthday with a vanilla scented loneliness hanging over chapter 11, to the action packed chapter 2, there are good scenes.
The flow and cadence are pretty dang solid, far more so than other authors I've read. The problem is not that the story is BAD, it's that it's poorly paced and connected in specific ways.
Like the story feels like a sprint, we're jumping in time a lot and we can see this in the first couple chapters. It's like this author wants to build the world very quickly because they're excited about the future chapters and revelations, or maybe a certain scene, but they tend to brush over what would make that scene impactful or important.
Honestly, it's one of the most common issues in wattpad writing. Authors tend to neglect building the story and being mindful of WHY we're skipping in time, what that's accomplishing, and what it does to the pace.
A skip in time, specifically a large one - year or so - is used primarily in the sense of causing intrigue in how the world has changed, and what the characters have done off screen.
Think of the time skip in an anime like One Piece, where the characters being different is the driving force of the intrigue there directly after. Do this too much, however, and you can start to lose the characterization you've built previously.
These things are tools writers use to enact change on the world and get specific results. I always say that words and techniques/tropes are tools to get a specific reaction. The problem is this takes time.
And I think the Story arc of this book is more like you have the introduction, then we jump and skip a lot of the rising action, and go from climactic moments to rising action very frequently.
This book is very well written, and I believe in this authors ability to write a fantastic story, all and all this book plays with such fascinating ideas and motifs that the pacing tends to be an afterthought, but it's very important in fluid storytelling.
Another place I feel this author could level their writing skill up, per say, is by using a show and don't tell method more.
Janky tends towards flat out saying what the worlds expectations are, and what that means for the characters. This is good in certain circumstances, but a powerful tool authors can use is using the reader imagination and curiosity as a tool to make your writing more impactful.
Take these two instances:
"The king and queen were always vile, they stole money from the wealthy and killed every poor person who groveled in their way"
This is a good sentence. Nothing wrong with it, but it also really is telling the reader what is going on. Instead, I raise this:
"As the royal family entered the village, it got darkly quiet. As if every straggler and aristocrat held their breath, sweat on their brow, as the king and queen sashayed through the now empty street. A usually busy market now looking like a stone carpet, rolled out for them. A child - blonde hair and dark green eyes, smile on his face; tiny and dirty, and hungry - runs foolishly into the path of the domineering couple. It was then the people, who've only heard rumors, saw first hand - as a gunshot sounded in that unsuspecting village - that nobody was safe. The queen ought have kicked the body out of the way herself if not for the guards throwing his carcass to the wayside."
This is, in my opinion, how you SHOW that these people are evil people. It also provides way more emotional backing, seeing the atrocities first hand will get a more visceral reaction from the readers generally.
Otherwise, the book is great. I enjoyed reading it, drew some parallels to my own work and how the play on dynamics of beauty and wings and function combat the under lying theme of rebellion against an oppressive ideology or rule.
Aesthetics: 4.5/10
I honestly think the cover hurts the book somewhat. Mostly because the silhouette is not clear, it's very dark at the focal points, and I think a more evocative pose: Maybe a shot of a characters back and the wings spread out, the light glimmering on their wings and perhaps one wing is ripped? Would work more to convey the theming and feel of the work.
Plot: 7.4/10
I docked points because of the pacing here.
Grammar: 9.8/10
I do, real quick, recommend this book to anyone wanting a good read. The themes are immaculate, and the plot does a good job at delivering the messages the author wanted to show off.
Overall: 7.9/10
Found no issues with the grammar, wish there was more exploration on vocab and the use of more theatrical-esque phrasing. Like, the wording should match the presence the story has.
This has been IfWeAllFell, signing off
Onto the next one! 7.7
YOU ARE READING
Review Central (Wattpad book review)
RandomHello! If you're reading this, you're in desperate need of someone to review and critique your book in a fair and honest way. I get it; I needed that too. I have been writing for most of my life. I think somewhere around 8 - 9 years or so. I have wo...
