Writing is a balance.
Balance is key in all things, but writing especially. I think Broken Souls is pretty damn good, the characterization is fun - the setting is well put together... But there are issues in the threading of the story being woven here that I think require tinkering before the story becomes fantastic.
FOR INSTANCE!
One of the biggest things that I clocked immediately is the repetitiveness of some of the phrases @aratheonfantasy uses frequently. "___ says" Is used copiously, and no matter how fun and free flowing the dialogue was, it was hampered by a bland and recurring motto. Instead, I would suggest spicing it up and getting more creative with how she describes the conversations, and using the environment to her favor.
I felt as though Ara rushed to the most pressing issues in the writing, an event - maybe a character talking - and rarely simmered in the atmosphere or took in the scene. Those are important parts of the story that give it life, and make it feel forever shifting.
Important to note, The book is paced rather well, however another problem I found really stopped it from feeling streamlined.
I really, really got confused with the amount of characters in the book. Now, I think the characters were great and had plenty of fun quirks and memorable lines. The problem is there were too many, way too many for the screen time each gets. It's like each character is a segment of the main cast, and that becomes a problem because from the 5 chapters I read, there really wasn't time to get comfortable with each. ESPECIALLY for some of the happenings that occur with the female lead Lura. I felt that, while the story is paced well, the characters and overwhelming dialogue didn't give me time to breathe.
And that's not for lack of reading materials that have plentiful amounts of characters. From experience, my own book has a large amount of characters. However, with my book, I make sure to give each character a segment to be introduced and a way for the reader to have a place saved in their mind for them. If not, I use breaks in the story away from those characters to add onto their story. You need to introduce them and make them important frequently, while also making them complementary to the story. I think just describing the characters more thoroughly, perhaps using the character as a tool for that, would have helped me as a reader a lot.
In totality, I love the descriptions and the Aesthetic of the book. It feels rustic and painted a good picture in my mind without needing much description. However, the repetitive surrounding text and somewhat inconsistent descriptions left me with a feeling of confusion and wanting more.
Aesthetics: 6/10
Plot: 7/10
Grammar: 9/10
Total Score: 7.5/10
Honestly, this book reminds me of how I used to write not too long ago. A lot of it is just polishing your style, and taking more time on each sentence. Take it from me, I used to not see some errors in my writing until I had a professional editor go through and rip it to shreds. Luckily, I became better for it (IMO). So, all that to say, you have a great voice and superb potential. A little rough around the edges, but every writer was and is. Loved the work, and sorry it took so long!
This is IfWeAllFell, signing off.
Man, its been a while. ONTO THE NEXT ONE \(0.0)/
YOU ARE READING
Review Central (Wattpad book review)
随机Hello! If you're reading this, you're in desperate need of someone to review and critique your book in a fair and honest way. I get it; I needed that too. I have been writing for most of my life. I think somewhere around 8 - 9 years or so. I have wo...
