The Race Car that was Tyler Scott

Chapter Three

Tyler had to come back in as he was a witness to what happened and the police wanted to question him as well. "So I ask again, you were by yourself?" Inspector Dumbo said condescendingly just to make me feel more stupid than he already did. Tyler picked up on this, "Inspector, what are you trying to imply?", he confronted him. The junior police officer turned to face Tyler, "I didn't ask you...sir.", the tension rose, "I know you didn't ask me, but you have asked that same question four times now and it's obvious you are trying to make her feel bad, as though it were her fault and that is the last thing she needs right now, I-", "Are you trying to tell me how to do my job...sir.", he bowed his head and the interrogation proceeded. The officer left the ward after he had quite exhausted the subject.
Tyler looked at me, "Are you okay?", "I'm fine. Why did you do that...why are you here?", "What are you saying? I'm a witness I had to be here", "But why did you do that?...defend me like that?", "I don't know...I- -when I bumped into you at the concert, you did something to me", "Oh my god", I stuck my two fingers into my open mouth showing how cringey what he just said was. He chuckled, "I'm not lying. I know you must think it sounds so dumb but-" "But what?", "It's true, there was something about you. Every other girl would have been at my feet or screaming or asking me to sign their tits but you- you just acted normal". I was suspicious, "Had you hoped I'd asked you to sign my tits?", "No! No of course not. I hate that. I hate how people treat me like something I'm not, like I'm better than them. I'm just another kid who can sing, there's thousands of us". I smiled, I was reassured that he was genuine. I agreed with him wholeheartedly, we were the same. "Listen I don't know what it is about you, but whenever I think about you my mind just goes crazy. And I- -I can't help it, I can't control it", "You've never felt like that about someone? I mean I can't believe you haven't", he looked at me and looked for a while, "No", he said softly, bowing his head but looking at me all the while. "No I've never felt like this, I've had girlfriends before and met loads of girls, but I've never felt like this. I want to get to know you better, I have to", I smiled at him to give him an answer. In that moment I felt like I had nothing to lose, it was an amazing feeling.
"Tell me about yourself, tell me everything", "Everything?", he nodded and took a pew. We talked for hours. And we laughed a lot. He learnt how to ride when he was younger and had always wanted to go to a ranch, he thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get away from the cameras for a while. We shared our hopes and fantasies. He was so easy to talk to. He reminded me of Milly, it made me sad for a second and had made me well up, tears filled my eyes but not enough to send streaks down my cheeks. The state of confusion on his face made me laugh. I smiled. "Tell me, what is it?...what did you remember?", it surprised me that he knew it was something I'd remembered that had got me. I smiled again, "It's um...my friend Milly, she would have liked to have met you, you guys would have got on so well", his smile was sympathetic. "When did it happen? if you don't mind me asking", I was astonished - how could he have guessed that, perhaps from the way I'd said it. "How did you-", "Shot in the dark really" "It was almost two years ago now. She had something up with her brain, she died only weeks after she was diagnosed, it changed me - she gave me confidence, a voice. She brought me out of my shell, when she died it killed me inside - I was hollow. I lost faith then", "I'm so sorry, it seems as though she's still here with you though, giving you that voice, a will to carry on", the way he spoke was so poetic I'd forgotten he was a songwriter, everything he said felt like a lyric and his voice was so smooth as though he was singing to me still. "You know, I lost faith once" he turned over his wrists, they were scribbled in scars, they looked old and several of them were faded and fading but a couple stood out. "A book restored it in me" he continued "it spoke of love and how we all have someone out there 'Our Scarlet Macaw', someone we share a destiny with, the story was so powerful I didn't want to miss out on it". What he said was beautiful, I was starting to let down a barrier. "That's beautiful", I said sincerely. "What do you think? Do you think we have destinies and epic futures all predetermined?" It was a very deep question and I could tell he was really interested. "I don't know. I mean I'm not sure about predetermination but I think we all have destinies. But I believe anything could change, we have crossroads everyday and decisions that could change anything. And then there's other people's futures and how they collide with ours. I think it's very complicated, more complex than we could possibly comprehend", I surprised myself with my intellectual capacity. His face showed complete agreement, "That's it. We could never understand it. Even though we will all end up out of our depths, that, we cannot help. But we will never understand it completely. I think that we all have an epic love out there somewhere though", "Yeah I think our love is predestined if anything is". "Where are you going after you get discharged?", "Well I've actually got another week of school left before we break up for Easter. But I think I might go home with Toni for a bit to see everyone. A levels won't miss me.", "I'm in the UK for another six weeks before I go back to Georgia, maybe I could see you over Easter?", His eyes were looking up at me expectantly. "Yeah...I'd like that".
The thing I loved about our conversation was that it felt so natural, there were no awkward silences. When he left I felt like I'd known him for years. It made me so happy, there was laughing in my head.

But now that Tyler was gone I was so bored. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't talk to anyone because Toni wasn't here, where was she? And I couldn't move...or could I? Surely if I was being discharged in the morning I would be able to move. I sat up slowly and winced, then I pushed my feet out of the duvet and into mid air. I hovered for a moment, sitting on the edge of my bed. I looked down and followed a tube with my eyes and realised my arm was attached to a drip. With that arm I held onto it and moved it along on it's little squeaky wheels. We glided out of the ward. I felt mischievous - moving around feeling so weak but getting stronger mentally by the second. My bare feet left condensation marks on the cold tiled floor. I felt happy for a change and I wasn't bored.
I'd already forgotten where my room was, I guess I was lost. I was in the kids section, 'The Alice Ward' I looked into each room as I passed it, I was more curious than nosey. There was a toddler with his mother doing Kemo, he had no hair but big glistening blue eyes.
Eyes have always meant something to me, I don't know why or what it is, but I find them to be the most beautiful part of the body. I have big goggling eyes, a mixture of grey and blue, Toni's eyes are blue but they always looked like they themselves contained light within them - shining out like LED torches. In the next room was another boy, about my age doing physio, he was holding onto two banisters either side of him to keep him upright, one of his heels was hovering above the ground and where his hands held the wood they were tense, it looked as though he was holding his entire body weight and his face showed pain, a lot of it. In the room across the hall there was a girl of about eleven lying motionless on a hospital bed with a mask over her mouth and nose. Her father was sitting anxiously by her side, his hand holding hers and his lips pressed against it. My thoughts were silenced and focussed on this freeze frame. It made me feel ill.
"People don't go to hospitals to get better, they go there to die", I'd once been told, although slightly morbid, there was some truth in it.
I kept on exploring. I came round a bend and spotted Trudie arguing with a more junior doctor, I stepped back behind the corner. I couldn't catch all of what they were saying, but I managed to deduce some of it. They were talking about me or more accurately they were talking about Tyler and me. "If you send that in you will lose your job, I will make certain of it. You will be ruining his reputation and hers and she hasn't even begun her life yet", "You can't tell me what to do, if I send this to the press I'll be rich, I won't even need this job" she looked at him almost shocked, "listen to me young man, if that's what you think then go ahead and do it. You will soon find out that you won't be rich, your precious find will be taken away from you as will your job. And yes I can tell you what to do because I'm in charge here, you work below me, show me you are human by not sending in that photo and I will put in a good word with the person who works above me. He isn't very fond of you I might add", she looked down at him coldly.
I came back slowly around the corner. They both turned to look at me. Before Trudie could speak I said "please sir, don't do that, I don't have anything anyway. Don't make it worse than having nothing" I made my voice sound a little weaker and my story sound a little more pathetic. He nodded, a little uncomfortably and walked slowly away. I smiled cheekily at my nurse, "well I'm glad you can walk, means the drugs are working. Come on let's get you back to your room", she guided me back through the Alice Ward as I couldn't possibly find my way back.
18:33, Toni was back. She had made herself quite at home. Lying, asleep on my bed. The nasty lights were still off. Trudie sighed and turned to look at me half smiling. I looked back at her "It's fine she'll wake up in a bit. I'm not tired just yet and obviously she needs a kip" "if anyone else on my team saw this they'd have her out of the ward, make sure she doesn't cause havoc", I thought that perhaps that could be a problem, given that I knew what Toni had obviously been doing. She left me to it.
I sat for a while in the chair opposite my bed. Looking at my drip watching the bag and tracing the tube back to my arm. I touched the part where it disappeared into myself. It was sore, like a hockey bruise.
I played in goal and was used to being battered by balls where my padding didn't cover me like the backs of my legs or my knees.
I wondered what would happen if I didn't go back to school. If I just left school and went with Toni and then didn't go back after Easter. Perhaps I could go to the ranch in Nevada. No one would find me there. I could see Morty again, he was the closest thing I had to family, losing him was like losing a part of myself, that pain stayed with me always, 'constantly reminding me of how easy it is to get hurt'. The same pain I felt when Milly died.