AU: Klaus and Caroline are engaged and soon to be married. All their friends support their happiness, but Elena has difficulty trusting in Klaus's intentions. She hates Klaus with a passion. Little does she know that her hate is just as strong as he...
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Elena
I was dancing under strobe lights on a Friday night, and all I could feel was the rhythm of the music vibrating through my chest. Dancing always helped me clear my head... but that night I just couldn't erase everything. All I could think about was him... his touch... his lips brushing down my stomach... the sound of our labored breaths... his fangs... I couldn't get Klaus out of my head. Even as I lost myself among the crowd of moving bodies, all I could think about was my best friend's ex fiancé.
I'd been such a horrible friend to Caroline. Here I was, dancing right across from her, consumed by my own heartbreak when I should have been supporting her through her breakup. I guess Klaus had pitied me enough to have kept our affair a secret from Caroline. I was thankful for that.
"I'm going to get some drinks!" Bonnie shouted loud enough for us to hear.
"I need more liquor, too!" Caroline said, following behind her.
I continued dancing on my own and closed my eyes, allowing the lyrics to penetrate right through my soul.
For weeks I'd cried so much, I was convinced I couldn't cry anymore. But I felt it-right then... Something shivered inside me, and then came that awful lump at the back of my throat. I missed him so much. I felt like I was living without a heart in my chest. It was my own damn fault; I was responsible for ripping it out.
Does he even think about me? I wondered.
Ever since that night when he disappeared from my room, I never heard from him again. No phone calls, no texts, no visits-nothing. Elijah was the only one who gave me a proper goodbye before he told me that he was moving to New Orleans with his family. I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to go with him, but I knew I couldn't. I wanted a clean break from Klaus, after all. I got exactly what I was asking for all these months... but it didn't take my emptiness away.
There was so much love and hate between us-so much passion. Every day I had to convince myself that I did the right thing by ending whatever it was that we had. We were toxic for each other. I was in dire need of redemption for what I had done behind Caroline's back. I could only imagine what I would've been like if I were a vampire... no conscience at all. I already felt like I didn't have one. If my moral compass wasn't so fucked up I never would have slept with my best friend's man... but I did... over and over again like a shameless slut. And the worst part of it was that I missed it: the sex between me and Klaus.
<///\\\>
We sat on a half-moon sofa in a private lounge at the club, swigging back one shot after another.
"Well," said Care, "if I'm gonna get absolutely shit-faced, I'm glad it's with you girls!" She threw back her tequila shot and burst out laughing before her tears of joy turned into tears of sadness.
Bonnie immediately wrapped her arm around her and tried to comfort her. "Forget about that asshole!" she said. "He's dead to you-to all of us. Isn't that right, Elena?"
I nodded and finished my drink.
"I just miss him so much!" Caroline cried. "We were supposed to get married! I was supposed to have my happily ever after! You guys don't understand how much I loved him... how much I still love him."
I did understand. I truly empathized. But there was no way I could admit any of that. I had to mourn my own heartbreak in silence.
"Knowing Klaus, he's probably screwing some other chick by now!" Caroline raged. "Maybe he left me for someone else."
"He told you there was no one else, though," Bonnie said.
"I just feel so used and stupid!"
I felt so ashamed and sick to my stomach. "I'm sorry, girls"-I stood up-"I think I'm gonna be sick."
"Do you need me to come with you and hold your hair back?" Caroline offered.
"No-no! I'll be right back!"
I managed to scramble into the bathroom and immediately turned on the tap to breathe out my anxiety. My mascara streaked my foundation when I faced the mirror and let my tears roll down my cheeks.
You deserve this, Elena. This is your karma, my subconscious scornfully whispered.
I immediately wiped my tears away and collected myself before I left the bathroom.
